US Open draft

US Open pool picks are in the links section on the left side of this page.

1.     411  Darren Ostash
2.     390  Stephen David
3.     372  Robin Kimpinski
4.     357  Chris Kimpinski 
5.     346  Mike Susinski      
6.     331  Jason Hunter          
7.     319  Ken Stewart           
8.     290  Jason Neufeld        
9.     287  Austin Hunter        
9.     287  Brad Benton       
9.     287  John Derhak     
12.   278  Wes Arnfinson  
13.   251  Darcy Kowalchuk
14.   228  Kevin Bartram   
14.   228  Ron S. / Doug K.  
16.   219  Luke Funk

What are the chances...?

Thirty-five golfers took their chances with some ominous looking clouds...and got in nine holes as rain and lightening seemed to hit everywhere in Shoal Lake except for the golf course. There was a scary moment when I was teeing off on the third hole and heard the ambulance. I thought for sure someone had been struck by lightning.

Most golfers like numbers and statistics so here are some interesting ones for consideration.  The odds of getting a hole in one are approximately 12 500 to 1 for an amateur...and around 7 500 to 1 for a professional golfer. The odds of being struck by lightning are closer to 600 000 to 1. So, as an amateur, you are 50 times more likely to score an ace then being hit by a bolt from the sky.

Before you get too excited about the hole in one odds, 12 500 to 1 is similar to your chances of winning an academy award for acting.  It is actually more likely that you will be fatally injured from a slip in a shower or bathtub (3500 to 1) then going from tee to cup in one shot. Hole in ones are random.  Sure the better you play the better your chances. But there are hackers who have holes in one while some PGA pros are still awaiting their first.

In terms of local odds, your chances of winning a skin last week were approximately 6 to 1. That was because six guys out of 35 made cash. They included Ken Stewart and Clayton Hunter ($20 on #1), Brad Benton and Dick Edgeworth ($39 on #2), and Blake Cramer and Jason Hunter ($121 on # 4).  The big prize for the last pairing was the largest single skin this year. If we use the skin winners as our sample, the odds of someone over 50 winning a skin compared to someone under 50 were 2 to 1.  All of the first four winners qualify as senior golfers.  In other evening odds, it appeared you had approximately a 12 to 1 chance of getting a deuce.  We had three (Brad, Austin, Ken).

Closest to the pins were recorded by Austin Hunter on #5 and Joel Ostash on #9.  Thanks to our prize sponsors - Murray Farm Supply and Kim Services / Susinski Farms.

There were a couple of important decisions made by the mens' night which are worth noting.  Firstly, the 7:00 pm experiment is over after one week.  We will be going back to 6:30 pm tee-off times this Wednesday. Secondly, golf will continue on the regular night on June 27th despite Shoal Lake grad the same evening. Thanks in advance for Luke and Neuf who will run things then.

One more comment about lightning. In North America, about 5% of deaths due to lightning strikes occur on golf courses. Remember always to make safety a priority. If you must golf in inclement weather, play with someone taller.

7:00 pm next week

You know I don't have alot to write about when the title references something happening next week.  We will push the start time back to 7:00 pm starting June 13th to accomodate the guys who work later and those guys who want to golf until it is dark. 

Forty three golfers enjoyed reasonable conditions on a relatively warm but somewhat windy evening. Starting off it appeared that it would be a night of great scoring.  Unfortunately, that was not the case for many.

There were three good skins that went on Wednesday including #1 (Joel and Hubey $43.50), # 3 (Stephen and Butch $88.50) and #5 (Dave Gill and Scott Maynes $88.5).  Looking ahead to next week, that means six skins with some nice cash attached, including #5 which will likely be about $125.

If cash prizes appeal to you, the hole in one prizes are sizable as well...at $1616 and $792.  Just to clarify, any hole in ones on any hole (including par 4's) claim the first prize.  If by some stroke of good fortune, there is multiple hole in ones on the same evening, you split it like the deuce pot.  The intent of the $792 is to have another reasonable pot ready to replace the first one should it fall.

The low score of the evening was Wes Arnfinson, whose 39 won on a countback against Mike McLennan's similar score.  They were the only two sub 40 rounds of the evening.  Wes said it was the first time he was ever the low guy.  Meanwhile, Brad and Robin rolled their eyes while glaring at him. On the other end of the scale, there were some 60's as well.  Out of respect for those golfers and their families, names are being withheld.

Wes also had closest to the pin on #9 and Dick Edgeworth hit it tight on #5.  Only Dick was able to successfully convert the birdie.  He split the $64.50 deuce pot with Cody Cornwall.

Looking ahead to the future, there are a couple of things worth noting.  Next week is the US Open, so we will have a draft for anyone that is interested.  It will be one of those in which you select one golfer in each box for a $10 entry fee.  Also, Shoal Lake grad is Wednesday, June 27th and many of us will be involved or attending.  We will propose a different night for that week...and we will chat about it on June 13th.

Until next week, may all your putts be true, and may all of your found balls be Robin's mishit Pro V1's.

The Night of the Neuf

A former NBA player by the name of Alvin Attles tells a story of the time that he and Wilt Chamberlain combined to score 117 points in one NBA game.  Wilt scored 100 and Al scored 17. Well, last night Neuf and I combined to shoot 84.  Neuf had a 34 and I had...well...I had the rest.

Neuf and I played together and our games could not have been more juxtaposed.  He was nearly perfect and I was almost perfectly terrible.  He targeted pins with uncanny precision while I targeted trees after unmanly decisions.  Neuf got four birdies and I had four triples.  He could not miss a putt while I struggled not to three putt.   The guys playing with us looked at Neuf with envy and awe.  Meanwhile, they averted their gaze as I was about to strike the ball in fear of catching whatever I had. Our games even ended with completely opposite emotions.  Neuf cursed aloud after missing a three foot birdie on nine while I breathed a sigh of relief to finish the same hole with a par.

I guess if it is any consolation, my four triples were honest and not Mens' Night maxes.  Like any golfer, I need at least one positive take-away.  My other take away is that karma sucks.  After a few references in previous blogs to Blake Hunter's struggle to break the 50 mark, I carded that same score.  Congratulations to Blake for going under this week.  Perfect timing by the way.

The interesting thing was the conditions were absolutely perfect.  Warm and sunny with almost no trace of wind.  Birdies abounded and many of the 44 golfers carded season low scores.  Personally, I don't think good weather works for me.  My two rounds near forty occurred during our sub zero rounds earlier this year.

Skins went on four holes, including #2 (Brad Swereda and Blake Hunter - $57), #6 (Brad Benton and Joel Ostash - $67), #7 (Luke Funk and Wayne Chegwin - $22), and #8 (Brad and Blake again for $57).  The $66 deuce pot was split by Wes Arnfinson and Gab Huberdeau.

Milt was closest to the pin on #5, winning a golf shirt from Manitoba Hydro for his effort.  The mighty Neuf won a free steak from Susinski Farms and Kimp Services for sticking it close on #9.

Other low scores included Brad with 35, Milt and Wes with 38, Ron Susinski, Scott Maynes and Dale Martin with 39. Also noteworthy was Luke Funk's three birdie in a row streak on holes 6, 7, and 8.  Good job Mr. Funk.

By the way, sorry to my cart partner Darcy for ending up being my scoring partner.  You had a nice 41 in any case. For what it is worth, there were 11 guys with scores of 50 or worse.  Somehow, that doesn't make me feel any better about my round.

Deuce, deuce, deuce...

In case you didn't notice, I wasn't at Mens' Night this week.  I was at a meeting for our school division's transportation review.  Good meeting...over 100 people in attendance.  I am assuming that the guys who golfed didn't know about it.

In the past, when I missed the golf I would fabricate portions of the news portion of the blog.  Given that I often stretch the truth a bit even when I am present, I thought I would try something different.  What follows is the truth...and nothing but the truth...in so much as it is the truth, as reported to me by others.  Like you, I implicitly trust all male golfers, so you may assume everything that was passed on to me is 100% factual.

There were 37 golfers...a new high for our season to date.  The spike in attendance was likely due to many of our farm friends completing their seeding.  The club welcomed some new faces to this year's season, including Ken Stewart, Dale Martin, Gary Kurtz, Dale Newton, Sport, and Terry McTavish.  The newcomers faired quite well, with Mr. McTavish getting closest on #9 and combining with Ron Susinski to pick up a $35.00 skin on the same hole.  Dale Newton won a $35.00 skin on #1 with Mike Susinski, while Sport cashed in for $35.00 on #7 with Mike McLennan.  The other closest to the hole was recorded by Blake Cramer on #5. 

Three guys split the $57 deuce pot including Mr. McTavish, Austin Hunter, and Scottie Maynes who got his 2 on the par 4 second hole.  Scott's two helped him to go down to -3 on the ringer board to tie leader Chris Kimpinski.

There was some low scoring with five guys carding sub 40 rounds, led by Scott Maynes with a 35.  Robin Kimpinski had a 38 and three guys had 39's (Jamie McCutchins, Dale Martin, and Mike McLennan.  It was also a big night for Blake Hunter who posted his first sub 50 round of the year.  I am guessing he will say that he plays better when I am absent.

Hopefully, I will see many of you at the Lions' Club tournament tomorrow.  It may get as high as a balmy 13 Celsius!

By the way, if you are interested in more information regarding the transportation review you may check the Park West School Division website.

Golfers' Eczema...poor skins!

There were no skins won on Wednesday. Zero…nada…zilch.  None of the 33 golfers or 17 two-man teams could put together a low combined score on any of the nine holes.

After no skins prizes were awarded, many of the guys in the room started to jog their respective memories to identify when a similar thing happened. While they could not confirm such an occurrence in the past, they did remember other significant events. A few of the old timers recalled the last time someone at Mens’ Night was mad at John Gill…back in 1978. The last time Brad Benton remembered missing a putt for money…1967, when he was eleven years old. We reflected back to the last time Blake shot under 50 in Mens’ Night. That was October 6, 2011. Chris Kimpinski mentioned the last time Milt didn’t talk after a three putt was 1968…but that was because he was two and still not speaking. Neuf recollected the last time Wes got mad over something that happened in a poker game before throwing his cards down face up in protest before the hand was finished. That was May 16, 2012.

Scottie Maynes told of us the last time Jason Gorrell hit it straight…back in 2005. Yes, Gorrell was bending every shot long before that Bubba Watson guy made it popular. The slice is now so pervasive in Jason’s life, it even affects him away from the golf course. For example, it takes him 10 minutes to walk from Central S to Big Way…because he starts out by walking behind the post office before gradually coming back around.

For a bit more perspective, while no one could recall the last time no skins were won, several of his so-called friends reminded us that the last time Robin Kimpinski had grey hair was 2003. Apparently Robin attended a big insurance brokers convention in Winnipeg and noticed he was the only one showing signs of aging. Since then, he has been using Just For Men Natural Light Brown. He has only used the hair gel the last few years…since he started hanging out with Benton.

With the absence of skins, the only money claimed was the deuce pot. The previously mentioned Benton hit a beauty of number 9 and drained the putt, ending up closest to the hole for the evening in the process. That effort was worth a tidy $79.50. Brad also had the low score of the night, carding a 38. Jamie McCutchins was second best with a 39.

The other closest to the pin was Neuf’s on #5, allegedly after skulling a shot that got no higher than ten feet off the ground before bouncing in the small gulley in front of the green and hopping and rolling to 15 feet. While the people in his group heckled him because of his bad shot that turned out good…Neuf just smiled, content in the fact that there are no descriptions required on the score card. Plus, he couldn’t hear them…because of his head phones…attached to his iPod which was playing an Oprah Winfrey self-help podcast. Thanks to our hole sponsors, Shoal Lake Pharmacy and Kimp Agencies / Susinski Farms.

There were lots of new faces at Mens’ Night this week, such as Jason Stills, the new guy from Murray’s, who used his constant hand shaking to fool everyone at the poker table after golf. Les Grills was back, Brad Swereda made his first appearance…and we met Dan Stokes, the new RCMP constable who just arrived from Grand Prairie, Alberta. Plus there were more Huberdeau’s than a wedding at Ste. Lazare.

On a personal note, I would like to mention the enjoyable experience I had golfing with three of the young guys – Austin, Blake, and Theoren. Despite there being less gambling, drinking, and swearing, it was still really fun. I truly appreciated their excellent play, their etiquette and respect for the game, and their good company. I was impressed with Austin drive to the 100 yard marker on #8, on Blake’s composure despite small challenges, and Theoren’s overall laid back approach to golf. Most importantly, I am thankful for their final scores…because until Wednesday, I could not remember the last time that I shot better than everyone in my group at Mens’ Night.

Have fun next week going after all of those available skins. Regrettably, I have a meeting and will be away. Thanks in advance to Ron Huberdeau who will be reporting on the night’s events in my absence…in his own blog “Country Cooking with Hubey”.

Mens’ Night nudity…but not the fun kind

One of the great things about Mens’ Night starting in April, is we get to play so many times before summer officially begins.  However, one of the worst things about Mens’ Night starting in April is we get to play so many times before summer vacation begins.You see, I forgot that when you are not on vacation, the day after Mens’ Night is a work day. In the summer, it isn’t an issue. You can stay up late playing cards and visiting, head home, and sleep until you are rested. The challenge now is going home for six hours sleep (at best) and getting ready for a day at the office.

I noticed that I was getting tired this week during a game of Texas Hold’Em.  As I was dealing, someone asked me what I was doing.  I couldn’t understand what they were talking about so I asked them. I was informed that I dealt the flop before dealing anyone their required two cards.  I then handed the cards to the gentleman to my right, stood up, and said goodnight.  And that was only at 11:00 pm.

Maybe my lethargy can be attributed to the fact that I am getting old…but older guys seem to thrive in these circumstances. I wish I were like some of the other guys, hardened through years of late night partying and alcohol abuse.  Sure, I’ll probably live longer…but right now I envy them.

The one positive thing that came out of it was the next morning.  My wife asked me how Mens’ Night was and I said it was “fun”, before explaining how tired I was.  She then inexplicably suggested that sometime in the future I should stay out late and take a vacation day on the subsequent Thursday.  I am not sure why she would make such a suggestion, other than the fact that it is Mothers’ Day this weekend.  I am assuming she wants something big.  My only regret is I did not tape record her saying what she said.

Wait, this isn’t my personal diary…I am supposed to be writing stuff about the golf.  I probably should apologize for my selfishness and try to move forward.

Let me see, I had closest to the hole on #5.  No wait, that’s still talking about me.  How about I mention that Neuf was closest on #9?  His tee shot early in the evening to about 45 feet held up on a windy night in which almost no one else found the green.

Five skins were won – Austin and Brad ($32.50 on #1), Chris K. and Jason Hunter ($32.50 on #7), Blake Cramer and Butch ($42.50 on #9), and Wes and Robin doubling up ($20 on #2, $65.50 on 8).

In terms of evening news, there isn’t much to report because there wasn’t much that seemed to happen.  We had 20 golfers…who for the most part kept a low profile.  There was a report of Chris and Milt going into the woods together followed by Chris coming out with his pants down.  I will allow you to paint your own mental images of that one. It was the first incident of nudity around the golf course since the weekend, when a streaker was seen on the highway just past the fourth tee box.  Apparently, you can move faster when unencumbered by the restraints of long pants.

In other news, Blake said something to me driving up the fairway on #3.  As soon as the words left his lips, he said, “If you put that on the blog I will really kill you”.  So I am not going to mention it…given that Blake knocks people out in hockey dressing rooms with short rabbit punches. 

Sorry about talking about myself so much at the start of this entry.  Have a good weekend and see you next Wednesday.

Oh wait…did I mention that I missed the three foot birdie on #5 for the deuce pot…?

Horse Race on July 28th

The second annual horse race tournament is scheduled for Saturday, July 28th.


Participating golfers will play a 18 hole qualifying event before being split into flights for the horse race.  Each flight will eliminate golfers after each hole until only one remains.

We will also have a calcutta in conjunction with the horse race. You will have a chance to bid on those golfers in the first and second flights that you think will be most successful.  Last year, the prizes for the top 3 calcutta picks in each pool exceeded the prize money for the actual winners.

Further information may be found at the link to the left.

The same but different

“Same but different” was the theme of the evening.  This is fitting given golf is a game of sameness but differences.  We all use clubs, but different clubs.  The balls we play look similar but they are of different brands and are marked with different numbers and logos.  We start out with similar aspirations but not all of us feel the same way at the end of the round.

In terms of the “same but different” theme yesterday evening…let me present you with a few examples.  Firstly, the weather was similar (not that warm) but the turnout was different (29 golfers instead of 16).   I still had extra clothing (the same) but this time I wore long underwear instead of two pairs of pants (different).  It rained during the day but was clear during the evening (different).  However, we still got wet (the same) when the sprinklers poured down on us as we putted on our final two holes. 

The game was the same…but the experiences of the guys who played were different.  Point in case, the elderly gentleman who shot a 38 felt pride and joy while the slightly younger man who staggered in with a 58 felt shame and sorrow.

We had two Blakes (the same) but their fate took divergent paths (different).  Young Blake Cramer basked in the spotlight, scoring a birdie on #3 to win a skin for himself and Robin Kimpinski.  Meanwhile, older Blake Hunter actually lost some skin as he retrieved his broken three wood from the trees just in front of the sixth tee box…after hitting his fifth shot into the trees.

Even some individuals experienced the same but different phenomena.  Scott Maynes, for example, had different results, and emotional experiences, while completing the same activity (putting).  He showed tremendous patience and poise as he putted in for birdie on #6.  That was after displaying little of either after a three putt on #2…followed by the launch of an angry 60 foot putt which tore across the green and rough before knocking the hub cap off of a moving cart.  This actually happened…six of us witnessed it.

I saw two people hit the green on the par 3 fifth hole (the same).  The difference was how they got there.  Jason Gorrell did it by teeing off from the fifth tee box.  Brett Griffin did by teeing off the eight tee box.  As a few of lined up putts on the right side of the green, his errant tee shot landed beside us before coming to rest in the rough.

Also, we introduced a new addition to the pairing of players by introducing the dummy card.  In an amazing stoke of coincidence, Neuf got paired with it.  Wait…that doesn’t fit with this week's theme.

In terms of the actual golf, it was a nice evening for both Chris Kimpinski and the previously mentioned Blake Cramer.  Chris had closest to the hole on #5, won the deuce pot, and split a $64 skin with Theoren Hunter.  Blake was closest on #9 and he cashed in for two skins totalling $40 with Robin.  The fourth skin of the evening was won by the duo of Luke Funk and Maynes.

You may note a trend in my blog entries…with the same guys being referenced on a regular basis.  The reason is simple.  I write what I know.  If I don't receive field reports, I am left with talking about what happened in my group.  Please help me make this blog more inclusive.  If Ronnie Susinski makes a bad shot, I want to hear about it.  If the normally Zen-like John Gill goes ballistic over a missed putt, let me know. If Milt goes a round without talking to himself, call me.

Also, don't forget if you comment on the blog, you are entered into a draw for a free drink at the next Mens' Night.  I mentioned this before but I think I might need to clarify what I mean.  If you see me on the street and say, like Robin did, "Hey Stephen, nice blog"...that is not what I mean by comment.  What I am actually doing is inviting you to type comments below the weekly posting on the website.

Yes...it was a cool one!

Okay…so I am not a meteorologist.  I will admit that my initial projections for the weather missed a little bit. When we started golfing it was 1 C with a wind chill of -4 C.  When we finished at 8:30 pm it was -1 C with a wind chill of -7 C.  There were toques and mitts, and long underwear.  There was shivering and blue lips and restricted swings because of multiple layers of clothing.  Golfers were adding two or three clubs because of the impact of the cold on their balls.  They were also not going to the bathroom outside…for the same reason. With the less than ideal temperatures, no one broke forty, but someone broke 60…the wrong side of 60 I mean.

How cold was it?  Well, on #3 I broke a ball on my tee shot…cracking it all the way around.  Lots of guys talked about the stingers that they received when they hit long irons. It was so cold that Robin suggested we implement a ten and ten rule in the future…that being a minimum of ten golfers and 10 Celsius.  It was so cold that two guys used a dog sled instead of a golf cart. It was so cold that when Brad got home he gave Diane the cold shoulder for a change.  It was so cold that Milt stayed home in fear that hair his might freeze.  It was so cold that the chicken wings in the Club House were only available in hot.  It was so cold that you could putt out of the water hazards. It was so cold that Wes argued with Butch just for the chance to get into a heated argument. It was so cold that when someone made a great shot in your group, you gave them the mitten instead of the finger. It was so cold we huddled around Neuf, just for the hot air.  It was so cold that everyone had the putting yips because of the shivering.  It was so cold that when Austin Hunter tried to spit on his club to clean it, the spit froze in mid air. 

If the temperature is low on some future Mens’ Night, check out the following link for some cold weather golf tips: http://www.intothegrain.com/ten-cold-weather-golf-tips/

One other suggestion…while they call them “hand warmers”, they are good no matter on which body part you use them.

Something else interesting that I discovered.  Golf balls are designed to perform optimally at the industry benchmark 80 degrees Fahrenheit (27 Celsius), not the cold temperatures that we experienced on Wednesday.  They actually make special low compression cold weather balls (http://coldfusiongolf.com/).

Sixteen golfers said the heck with the cold and came out for the first Mens’ Night for the year.  Skins were won on three holes.  Keith Booth and Stephen David (that’s me) cashed in for $34 hole #2. The separated-at-birth twosome of Robin and Neuf won a total of $54 for scoring best on consecutive holes (#3 and 4). The deuce pot fell to Mike McLennan who used a 3 iron and a putter to eagle the par 4 first hole. Closest to the hole winners were Brad Benton on #5 and Blake Cramer on #9.

Looking forward to next week, I am not going to try and predict the weather…but I am hopeful our numbers will continue to grow.  Come for the golf, the chance to hang out with your buddies, and maybe some hockey or cards afterward.  Plus we have two hole in one pots, one capped at $1616 and the other growing to $581 as of last week.

Mens' Night begins April 25th

Last year we had nineteen Mens' Nights after a June 1st start. With our opening night next Wednesday, April 25^th, we have six extra nights at our disposal. I even did a double take when I checked the calendar. There are actually five Wednesdays in May.

The weather forecast definitely looks promising for next week with a sunny day in the mid teens being projected. The golf forecast looks equally promising. If you think about it, it's like the first day of school...but for middle aged men.  Like many others, I will likely be too excited the night before to get any sleep.  Then the next day, instead of moms dropping off Kindergarten children, wives and girlfriends will drop off their charges for Mens’ Night...wishing them luck and telling them to try their best.  Like elementary students, we will show up with our new bags, albeit golf bags instead of knapsacks. Some of us will have new shoes and new golf clothes. Everyone will be filled with promise, whether it is because of new swing thoughts or new equipment or shiny new balls.  There will be smiles and good natured exchanges as people congregate together after a few months apart.

Unlike grade school, there will those aspects that appeal to the older crowd.  For example, there will be alcoholic beverages and gambling.  There will be some partial nudity and the occasional hooker…but mainly slicers.  Speaking of the partial nudity, can we do something about those guys that play topless on the hottest evenings.  It is Mens’ Night for god sakes!

Unfortunately, like the school experience of children, the promise of Mens' Night is not realized for everyone.  While there will be excitement for many, some golfers may have anxiety about either not being successful or doing something that might be embarrassing. Some of the promise will disappear quickly when the sound of balls leaving clubs is followed by the sounds of balls striking trees and grown men muttering mean-spirited profanities.  While some will experience promising beginnings, others will soon realize that this year could be worse than the last one.  Like small children, there may be some lying (“I had a seven”) and some temper tantrums (“How come no one gave me that?).  Some will throw things…most likely drivers off the eight tee. Some will be oppositional to their teacher, such as when that know-it-all in your foursome starts telling you what you are doing wrong and how you should correct it. The popular kids (John Gill, Blake Hunter) will be envied by the nerdy kids (Neuf, Ronnie Susinski, myself). There may be occasional instances of teasing and bullying (leave Milt alone Kimpinski!).  There will be boys who flirt with girls…which is cute when you are in Grade 3, but somewhat creepy when it is a 45 year old guy hitting on a 20 year old cart girl.  For those of you such as Brad who likes a woman closer to his age, I can report the return of a certain club house lady from a few years back.

In terms of the golf, the format remains much the same.  We will do a shotgun start and then play 9 holes with skins.  The maximum hole score of +3 will be sustained to speed up play and minimize low self esteem. The ringer board will continue to be flighted to allow for additional opportunities for prizes.  For those of you who weren’t members of the Golf Club last year, we are once again offering half price memberships.  This includes unlimited playing privileges on Mens’ Night.

This year, I am going to form an email group comprised of people who would like notifications of blog updates or coming events related to Mens' Night. If you would like to be included in the email group, simply let me know at sdavid@mts.net

One additional thing I would like to encourage is some interaction with the blog...and perhaps field reporting.  Feel free to add a comment to any post.  As a special incentive, anyone who posts a comment during a given week will be entered into a draw for a free beverage the subsequent Wednesday.  Remember to keep the comments tasteful and relatively kind and good natured.

See you Wednesday.  I will be the guy sitting outside the Club House waiting for it to open earlier that morning.

All good things must come to an end...

What a great year for Mens’ Night! Over the course of 19 Wednesdays, we enjoyed some great conditions that translated into the longest season we have had in recent memory. We golfed last night in October on a day when the temperatures were in the high 20’s and the course played like mid-July.

Nineteen golfers competed on an incredibly windy night. Not surprisingly, only two skins were won. Hubey and Butch took $20. on #1 while Brad and Mikey P. cashed in for the same amount on #7. Closest to the pins were Ronnie Susinski on #5 and Brad on #9. There were no twos recorded…although Butch missed a putt for eagle on #1 that would have won him the deuce pot.

Last week, I mistakenly credited Wes Arnfinson with the field report. I found out it was actually Jason Hunter who did it…and he submitted some other updates for this week. Jason seems somewhat obsessed with Dennis Green. One of the first things's he noted was Neuf’s apparent vendetta against Denny’s cart on #4, which he may have hit twice with golf balls. He talked later about how Denny was glad Robin was absent because it saved him money in snips. He also mentioned how Denny is afraid of snakes, describing him as our own Indiana Jones. Saying that Denny fearful of reptiles is unfair as far as I am concerned. Jason needs to know that stating that Denny is like Indiana Jones, Liberace, Elton John and others who fear snakes would seem to make an unfair implication. Mr. Green is a man’s man, who only dyes his hair for theatrical productions, and who is happily married to a much younger woman. Why pick on someone like Denny, when we have others, like that guy who shall remain nameless who is in his mid-thirties and is a confirmed “bachelor” who lived with his parents recently and is a self-professed “bartender”. I am just saying…let’s call a spade a spade and give poor Dennis a break. In last week’s column, Jason was even making fun of Mr. Green’s age. On a positive note, he didn’t take the easy and predictable route of making fun of Denny’s golf game.

Jason also described Bird’s affinity for the wind, noting that our elder statesman scored one of his best rounds of the year despite the extreme gusts. It was also reported that Butch professed his disdain with taking everyone’s money on a weekly basis. Apparently, Mr. Derhak has offered to give any interested parties either golf or poker lessons. Then Jason said something about how Milt was happy to be back despite past blog abuse. I must say, quite frankly, that Mr. Hunter has it all wrong. My blog entries are tributes to Mr. Ostash. I write about him as a child writes about a cherished uncle, with reverence and mild embellishment. I certainly wouldn’t take the mean-spirited approach that some guest contributors take and attack a poor defenseless senior like Dennis Green. Milt deserves to be thanked for his even temperament, good will, and generosity. Heck, last night he bought several rounds for the guys playing cards. In fact, he readily signed over several cheques for skins to help offset the bar tab for those present. Milt Ostash is a saint…and whoever says otherwise I would gladly challenge to a fight on any day in the parking lot. Blake Hunter, Joel Ostash, and I would gladly take on any three of you who want to belittle Milt.

I probably should take a moment to thank Jason for his help, not only with the blog reports, but also the prize presentations after Mens’ Night. Thanks for giving your time to support our fraternal order…in spite of the challenges and frustration you have had with your own golf game for the latter part of this season.

It is with considerable sadness that I sign off for 2011. Thanks to everyone who came out this year. Thanks also to Superintendent Joel Ostash and his crew for ensuring that the course is always in such fine condition. Thanks also to Butch and the Clubhouse staff for taking care of us so well this season.

We will resume Mens’ Night as soon as they allow players on the course in the Spring….which will not be soon enough for most of us.

Milt is back!

Despite all the talk, by Blake and Neuf, of their great evening of skins, everyone present knew the real story of the night.  Milt Ostash was back.  After missing 4 or 5 weeks because of injury, hunting, fishing, and fear of competition, Mr. Ostash returned.  He returned to regale us of tales of his journeys and exploits over the last month.  He filled that gap in all of our lives by talking to himself throughout his round.  On a night when Brad Benton struggled with a score in the 40's, Milt reassured us that good golf could still be played by carding a 39.  He even managed to record closest to the pin on #9.  On behalf of all of us, welcome back Milt.  Thanks for bringing the joy back to Mens' Night.  The one criticism reported of Milt's return was that he refused to play for money.  What the critic missed was Milt's new approach to life and golf.  After some time away, he realized it isn't about the gambling...it is about the friendship and man-love.  While many of us like to wager and do manly things when we play, Milt showed us that it is okay to just to spend time with the guys he cares about.  Great job Milt!

In terms of the actual golfing, Blake and Neuf recorded a one-day season record of three skins on Wednesday, winning a total of $60. for wins on #1, ##4, and #7.  Brad Benton and Ken Ostash also cashed in on multiple holes, winning $52. for #6 and #9.  The deuce pot was won by Robin Kimpinski with the other closest to the pin going to Benton on #5.

I didn't golf myself, but someone was kind enough to leave a written report.  I suspect it was Wes, because of the use of capital letters plus the glowing praise for Wes.  The report stated that "Wes had an all world par on #1".  It continued to describe two tee shots in the bush followed by a third shot out and a fourth into the hole.  Certainly impressive...but all-world?  In other news, it was reported that Neuf had a laser-guided eagle on #4, chipping in from well off the green. It was said that if it did not hit the pin, his shot likely would have stopped in the middle of the eight fairway.   The field reporter also stated that the area adjacent to the eight tee was completely dry, yet there was no sign of Hubey's driver.

This coming Wednesday will be our final mens' night of the year.  It is also the 18th time we have had the good fortune to get together on a Wednesday this year...which has to be close to an all-time record. To help toast this successful season, every golfer who shows up will get a complimentary beverage of their choice.  The last thing the field reporter said was worth noting.  While the comment reeks of ageism and disrespect to our elders, it is still quite fitting.  The anonymous writer said "Most of us will only hope to live long enough to see another Mens' Night in October...right Denny and Bird".

Have fun on Wednesday.  Remember that you may tee off with your group any time after 5:00 pm. While I need to be at the football game and will miss the golfing, I will be there later for the free drink.

The merits of cold weather golf

Neither the cold nor the encroaching darkness to deter the brave men from their task.  No matter what, they would band together to ensure that the golf season was extended as far into September as possible. Interestingly, I am writing about our cool Mens' Nite on Wednesday in the middle of an incredibly nice weekend of weather.  But I already decided that was going to be the topic, so go with me on this one.

So back to where I started...golfing when the conditions are less than perfect.  Most of us would agree that cold weather golf is better than no golf at all.  Soon, many of us will be hanging up the golf shoes for the winter.  Our golf clubs will find a spot in our garage or basement, waiting until we dust them off in the spring. So we should be grateful that the pins are still in the ground and the clubhouse is still open.  We need to take advantage of every opportunity to fire up our golf carts and head down that first fairway...before it is covered with snow.

If you think of it, cold weather actually has its benefits.  For one, you can wear stylish jackets, toques, gloves, scarves, and jeans while playing. You also don't get delayed by having to stay at home to finish cutting your lawn.  The cold weather makes for excellent conversation during the round.  In fact, in my own group, I think I heard people say "Man it's cold out tonight" at least seven times. This is especially helpful when you are golfing with people with whom you have nothing in common.  Doctors even claim that cold weather boosts your metabolism as your body tries to stay warm. Who would have thought driving around on a golf cart while drinking could actually help you lose weight.  Also, lost in the complaints of the frigid temperature was an awareness of the absence of insects.  No one complained about mosquitoes, and people were able to look for their errant shots without fear of wood ticks.  Heck, if was any colder last Wednesday, Hubey could have walked on the frozen marsh beside #8 to retrieve his club toss from earlier this year.

When all was said and done, eighteen guys showed up and enjoyed a fun evening of golf.  Butch seemed to benefit the most from the conditions, winning a skin, getting closest to the pin, and scoring a deuce.  He was closest on #5 while Les Grills was best on #9.  Mr. Grills also converted his shot for a deuce.  Butch split a skin with Darcy Kowalchuk ($24.50 on #6) while Brad and Denny cashed in on #7 for $20. 

It was strange to finish the golf and the prizes and see that it was still only 8:30 am.  Despite the fact that it was still early, many of our senior golfers went home right away...likely because of arthritic pain caused by the coolness.  Ron Susinski demonstrated the benefit of filling an aging body with antifreeze during a cold round.  Not only did he shoot well, but he didn't feel the arthritis in his old bones and was able to stay up past 10:00 pm playing cards and visiting with his younger friends.

The forecast for this week looks much better.  While it will be warmer it will be getting darker earlier. Therefore, we will try a slightly different format.  You and your group may tee off any time after 5:00 pm.  Simply pick up your scorecards at the club house and start your round.  Given the projected sunset, we recommend no one begins later than 6:00 pm...or you may be playing the last few holes by sound.  For you old guys, it may go below 20 Celcius during the round, so pack some extra antifreeze...and maybe a few Alleve for when you start to stiffen up.

Still golfing!

Fourteen golfers showed up for Mens' Night...extending our season later than it has been in recent years. This fact is made even more exciting given that we are planning on going again tomorrow night. Apparently many of our farmer friends are completing their work, so our hope is that we might get 20 golfers. The forecast looks reasonable…just make sure to come early given the projected sunset of 7:45 pm. You might consider having your group start at 6:00 pm.

I will apologize in advance for the short blog entry. This was another week that I was unavailable for mens’ night so I have little news to share. Plus I just got the box of materials from Blake yesterday. On a positive note, my meetings next year have been moved from Wednesday to Thursday so there will be no more conflicts.

This past week, two teams won skins on the first four holes. Kelly and John Derhak won skins on #1 and 4 ($15.50 and $75.50) while Neuf and Gab Huberdeau cashed in on #2 and 3 ($24.50 for each hole). Closest to the pins were Benton on #5 and Neuf on #9. Interestingly, there has not been a deuce in a couple of weeks.

Given that it will probably snow soon, I encourage everyone to take advantage of our extended season and get out tomorrow.  The first ten golfers to sign up will have an opportunity to get their picture taken with celebrities including Councilor Dennis Green and local insurance magnate Robin Kimpinski.  Participants must bring their own camera, make their own arrangements with the celebrities, and take their own pictures. No guarantees are expressed or implied by Lakeside Golf Course regarding the willingness of local celebrities to participate.  Anyone choosing to participate in the photo op agrees to absolve the golf club of any liability in the event that any of the celebrities causes them physical or psychological harm during the picture-taking process.
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It is getting dark earlier

Seventeen golfers enjoyed incredible September temperatures...before racing to finish as the sun set quickly.  My group was delayed starting so we finished in the dark.  The great weather meant perfect conditions for both golf and combining, hence the low numbers.

There wasn't much news reported on a relatively quiet evening.  Four guys from Birtle came to bolster our numbers.  Hubey scored better this week without his driver than with it last week.  For the first time in quite a while, Blake was the lowest scoring Hunter.  It doesn't matter that Austin and Theoren skipped golf for hockey.

It was a cheap night with only two skins being won.  Hubey and Brad claimed $20 on #7 while Scott Maynes and Devin Bell cashed in for $47 on #8.  The closest to the pins were Maynes on #5 and Neuf on #9.  Neither made their putt and no one else made a deuce on the evening.

As stated previously, Mens' Night continues until we drop below the requisite 12 golfers.  This week, it will be a 6:00 pm start time.  There will likely be a $75-80 skin on #4, so come on out and try your luck.

1st Annual Lakeside Club Toss

On the heels of the successful Horse Race tournament, Hubey introduced a new event...the Lakeside Club Toss. After mounting frustration from earlier drives, Hubey's tee shot resulted in a short pop up into the bushes beside the eight tee box. While the drive only went about 40 feet, the driver went about 60, as Hubey fired it into the bog to the left. Witnessing this act of exasperation was Jason Hunter. When asked for a comment, Mr. Hunter said that Hubey's club toss was the second best of the six he had seen this year. He stated the best so far was Chris Hyrsak's from earlier. While Hubey definitely put full effort into his throw, he didn't accentuate his toss with the string of colourful profanities as did Chris. Also, Hubey followed up with how he needed a new driver anyway. Chris' follow-up, on the other hand, referenced his hatred for the game of golf, the local course, and his playing partners. Chris also suggested that he might never golf again following his throw.

Playing with Chris Kimpinski, I watched his masterful course management for most of the round. He consistently makes good decisions, disregarding the temptation to hit long in favour of accuracy and positioning. On seven, for example, he stated at the tee box that he intended to hit seven iron, seven iron, wedge...which he did. He hit the first seven iron in front of the bushes, the second over the slew to 150 yard...and then the wheels fell off. Instead of hitting the green with his approach, he decided to hit it toward his camper in the OB area to the right. On a positive note, many of the errant shots like his will end up on his new property, so he will get lots of free balls in the future. Unfortunately, his was not one of those that he could find.

To be fair to Chris, he was not the only one experiencing trouble. I played with him and he constantly complimented me on my nice drives...but usually after I messed up on the rest of the hole. For example, my drive on #1 went to the rough behind the green. Despite being 20 feet from the pin, I finished with a five, including a double hit on the first chip. I think he gave me three or four of these "nice drive, too bad about the rest of the hole" compliments the rest of the way. Consequently, I will admit that I felt a bit of karmic pleasure as his ball sailed towards his camper later in the round. Ironically, Hubey complemented me as well, but not in the same sarcastic way. Despite this, I also enjoyed his club toss on #8. Such is the nature of golf, I guess...we congratulate our friends on their success while secretly envying them...and we offer them verbal condolences for their misfortune while quietly celebrating that our score improves relative to them. The exception here would be the wonder twins, Robin and Brad. When they compliment you it is heart felt. Plus, they rip your bad shots with the same earnestness.

While there were only eighteen golfers, skins went on only four holes. It wasn't because of a bunch of ties and pushes. The lack of winners related to the fact that on the other 5 holes there were very few cumulative pars. The winners included Robin and new guy from Carman, Steve Heatherington ($20 on #1), Chris K. and Hubey ($20 on #5), Stephen and Wes ($20 on #6), and Clayton Bomack and Austin ($38.50 on #9). Closest to the pins were Jason Hunter on #5 and Stephen David on #9. Both missed their putts which partially explained why there were no deuces on the evening.

As stated last week, we are going to stick with mens' night until we no longer have enough golfers to sustain it. The first week we cannot make the required 12 will be the final evening for the year. I am excited to say that next week will mark our first foray into September in recent years. Start thinking about how you will play #4, given the skin there will be worth $70 or so. Remember to come early, because even the 6:30 pm start is getting tight.

No news is good news

I will start by apologizing for the delay in getting the blog updated.  I was away for a bit and just got the mens' night box from Wes.  I will then apologize for not having any news about last week, given that I was absent.  But like I said in the title, no news can be good news, especially if you are one of the guys regularly featured in the column.  What follows is one part factual, as I recount the winners and scores, and one part speculation, as I imagine what happened in my absence.

Where to start?  Okay, there were 25 golfers who battled it out with skins eventually being won on six of nine holes.  Like last week, the Hunter family stole the show, with each of the three of them cashing in somewhere. The winners included Blake Hunter and Robin ($20 on #1), Jason Gorrell and Ken Stewart ($20 on #2 and $29.50 on #5), Theoren Hunter and Wes Arnfinson ($20 on #3), Steven Shackel and Chris Hyrsak ($51 on #6), and Scott Maynes and Austin Hunter ($20 on #7).  Three golfers split the $36 deuce pot including Mike Pryzner, Scott Maynes, and John Derhak.  Closest to the pins were Jason Gorell on #5 and Scott Maynes on #9.  Noteworthy rounds of the evening included 39's by Scott and Robin.

Now for the speculation.  Let me see, Milt likely talked to himself while Robin and Brad berated him while occasionally inisting that he bought another round.  Blake probably felt both pride and jealousy as his two sons played well again. The guys from Oak Lake would have had fun and guys from Shoal Lake would have promised to go down to their next mens' night. Given that the middle score was a 48, I also assume people complained about how bad their luck was...despite shooting essentially the same as they do every week. Later guys played poker, during which Milt would have talked to himself and Wes maybe took 3-4 minutes pretending to play hands which he eventually folded.  All the card players felt they had a chance to win, given that I wasn't there.  At the end of the evening, I imagine there was hugs and heartfelt good wishes, as the late nighters went home to wake their wives to tell them about Mens' Night.

Here's hoping we get another 25 or so tomorrow night.  See you at 6:30 pm if you can make it.

Night of the Hunter

You have already heard about the trials and tribulations of Blake Hunter...a man who had been previously schooled by his eldest son Austin.  This past Wednesday, it was middle son Theoren's chance to show up his old man.  Theoren shot a blistering 41, including a shot to a couple of feet on #5 which resulted in the only deuce of the evening.

Skins went on four holes. The winners were Ron Susinski and Doug Brown ($20 on #1), Sport and Jason Hunter ($20 on #2), Les Grills and Blake ($20 on #3), and Brad Benton and Dyson Solomon ($20 on #7). Theoren's previously mentioned shot on #5 was closest on that hole.  The other closest to the pin for the evening was Dale Watson on #9.

That's essentially all that I had reported to me for this week.  While I was absent I did hear that the 36 golfers in attendance enjoyed reasonable conditions.  There were some new guys, including one unfortunate gentleman who did not know about the maximum triple bogey rule.  His score of 63 was achieved honestly, through his own hard work and effort.

Mens' Night will continue until it is no longer reasonable to do so.  Our rules state that it only requires 12 golfers to run the evening.  Generally, when we get close to that number we shut it down for the season.  Since our attendance is still good, we hope to continue on into September.

Have fun this week.  My Board meetings resume so I will be otherwise committed.

Horse Race tournament

The first annual horse race tournament was held on August 13th.  Twenty two golfers played an 18 hole qualifying event before being split into two flights for the horse race.   During the second portion of the event, eleven guys teed off on the first hole, with the highest score being eliminated each hole until one man remained.
After the horse race portion was completed, the top three finshers in each pool were awarded prizes.  Robin Kimpinski won the first flight, with Darcy Kowalchuk as runner-up, and Phil Ostash in third. Escape artist Wes Arnfinson claimed top spot in the second flight, with Doug Koroscil placing second, and Tim from Winnipeg coming in third.

It is worth noting that we held a calcutta in conjunction with the horse race. Those in attendance bid on the golfers that they thought would be most successful.  When the final tally was completed, the total bids surpassed $1300.  Interestingly, the prizes for the top 3 calcutta picks in each pool exceeded the prize money for the actual winners.

Thanks to Scott Maynes for his great work in planning and organizing this event.  Like many others, I can't wait for the second installment next year.

Greatest skin ever!

Let's cut to the chase.  After almost two months without a winner, the skin on the ninth hole finally went.  The combined score of 5 by Keith Booth and Charlie McNabb was good enough to capture the elusive prize which grew to a nice $210.50.  The Booth / McNabb connection also grabbed the skin for #3, adding another $43 to their winnings.  With his two on #9, Mr. Booth also split a deuce pot worth $64.50 with Robin Kimpinski, who scored his two on the fifth hole.

Other skins for the evening went to Ron Susinski and Lawrence Daniel ($21.50 on #1 and $21.50 on #7), Cody Cornwall and Randy Tully ($43 on #2), Robin and Keith Martin ($21.50 on #5), and Scott Maynes and Milt ($43 on #8).  Closest to the pin winners were Joel Ostash on #5 and Mike McLennan on #9.

For the second consecutive week, we had the unusual combination of great conditions and high scores.  The sound of golf balls hitting trees echoed from all directions...with Milt contributing greatly to this symphony of thermoplastic on wood.  He hit so many trees that Charlie McNabb's group playing behind was held up on almost every hole.  Charlie took it well however...his frustration likely tempered by the $125 in winnings in his pocket.

The Ringer Board also wrapped up this week.  Robin Kimpinski won the first flight with a -9, followed by Scott Maynes' -6 and Brad Benton's -5.  I placed first in the second flight, followed by Keith Martin in second place.  Scores for the second flight were unavailable at press time.
Mens' Nite will continue through August and perhaps into September depending on the availability of our friends in the agricultural business. Thanks in advance to the previously mentioned Brad Benton, who has agreed to run the show next week. Don't forget the 6:30 pm start time for the rest of the year.

I have reflected a lot recently about how certain people (such as Milt) are mentioned more often than others in the blog.  The simply fact is that the people I note are often those with whom I golf...and Milt is a regular partner.  Other than Mike Susinski suggesting things to write about Wes, I rarely get any other field reports.  Given that I will be away the next two weeks, make sure to give your blog ideas to Mr. Benton.

I suggested that we move to Thursday nights in 2012...mainly for personal reasons given my frequent conflicts on Wednesdays.  I would like to stay involved in running Mens' Nite and writing the blog...but it will be tough if I miss eight Wednesdays as I did this year.  Give it some thought and we can discuss it further before the end of the year.

Karma can be funny...and somewhat cruel

Forty-four golfers enjoyed beautiful weather and an evening of karmic occurrences. Despite seemingly perfect conditions, high scores abounded, with many golfers venturing into the unfamiliar scoring territory of high 40's and low 50's. Most of those whose scores were elevated have been mean to Milt in the past...so you see what I mean by the karma thing. Strangely enough, Brad and Robin did not score in the 60's...given their history of abuse toward Mr. Ostash.

One of the nicest guys in the Shoal Lake area, Mr. John Gill, shot his lowest score since 1978, and shared the deuce pot with Cody Cornwall. This is the way karma works...with good things happening to good people.

Another renowned nice guy, Chris Kimpinski, had a funny experience with karma...which you will have to ask him about privately. He will likely relate how quickly karma can come back at you.

The closest to the pin awards could not have worked out better...or more karmic. The previously mentioned John Gill, who lives closest to #9, claimed the prize there. And Robin Kimpinski, who is one of the few male golfers who regularly dyes his hair, won the Trendsetters prize for closest on #5.

So the message here is obviously two-fold. Firstly, remember what goes around comes around, and, secondly, don't be mean to Milt. He is a nice guy and he has great hair and his talking to himself can be somewhat charming under the right conditions. It would be great if someone told Terri I wrote this because this karma thing has me spooked...and I don't want to shoot another 48 next week.

In other, non-karmic news, skins went on five holes. The winners included Jason Hunter and Cody Cornwall ($21.50 on #1), Brad Benton and Nick Gill ($41 on #4), Joel Ostash and Austin Hunter ($99 on #5), Rob Eastcott and Wes Arnfinson ($175 on #6), and Robin Kimpinski and Mike Susinski ($77 on #7). There were some murmurs that sandbagging may be occurring. While making his regular weekly review of the scorecards, our in-house auditor noticed several guys in the high pot followed birdies with a string of maximums. It is even being suggested that Wes Arnfinson will be investigated. After several well-scored holes, he lost five balls off the tee on holes #1 through #3. This is a glaring discrepancy given Wes' straight ball flight and high percentage of fairways in regulation. We will await the word from Chris Kimpinski to see where this all ends up.

What else do we have? Austin Hunter self-reported that he went over the trees on #7 with his tee shot. Austin also told me that his dad Blake was seven off the tee on #3. A word of advice to Blake would be not to try and swing harder when you play with longer hitters. It can mess up your tempo. Blake was nice enough to bring a guest from Roblin. He spent the evening golfing with him, let him join us for some cards, and then let the guy go swimming off his boat at 2:00 am.

Scott Maynes proved himself not only a fine golfer but an able-bodied Mens' Night organizer and presenter. Thanks to Scott for your help this week as well as next week, when my two colleagues are away.

With the shortening days, we will be rolling back the tee time to 6:30 pm starting next week. For those of you enticed by the possibility of cash prizes, the skin for #9 will be well over $200. And there is always that nice little hole-in-one prize.

Another dull evening of mens' golf

It was extremely quiet at Mens' Night yesterday. Golf was enjoyed with reasonable conditions and absolutely nothing controversial occurred in the club house afterwards. Given how dull an evening it was, I will be forced to just report about the golf. Also, I have been advised to stop mentioning Milt in my posts...so you can expect them to be shorter in future weeks. I was also asked not to mention the three balls that one guy shanked into the trees from the middle of the fairway on #8. So, as I already said...it's going to be just simple golf reporting today.

The story of this other wards slow evening would have to be Scott Maynes' scintillating score of 32. This was the lowest at Mens' Night in almost 10 years, since Jason Warwick's 31. Scott's playing partners reported that he was dropping 20 foot putts at will. That must be cool. I turned a three foot putt on #9 into a five foot putt followed by another two foot putt. Scotty also jumped to second place in the ringer board, vaulted to top spot in the season money list, and broke the record for most chicken wings eaten with 47.

Thirty nine golfers competed for skins with four teams winning holes. The lucky hackers included Phil Ostash and Gary Kurtz ($20 on #1), Sport and Cody Cornwall ($20 on #2), Maynes and Ronnie Susinski ($57.50 on #3), and Brad Benton and Blake Cramer ($77.50 on #8). The closest to the pins were Keith Martin on #5 and the aforementioned Mr. Benton on #9. The deuce pot of $58.50 was split by Mike Pryzner and Maynes.

Speaking of Phil Ostash, is it just me or is he looking good lately...all trim and healthy and stuff. Rumours has it that he owes his success to Body by Vi. On the other end of the spectrum is his good pal Benton, who maintains his physique with Body by Di. The first plan involves exercise and healthy food choices highlighted by some delicious meal replacement shakes. The second plan involves a lot of television watching and mainly liquid food choices highlighted by some early morning shakes and loss of vision.

Thanks to Butch for taking care of my steak...and Mr. Gorrell for hosting the fellowship get-together later in the evening.

One final exciting thing to mention... I have a new driver. There will be a viewing session preceding our next Mens' Night during which you may get your picture taken with it. For an extra $5, I will join you in the picture. But you absolutely cannot hit it. Like Wes and his R11...my wife said that I am not allowed to lend it.

Ringer Board news

Just a reminder that you have three weeks to submit your ringer board scores.  The final night for submission is August 11th.

Did anyone else notice it was windy?

I write this on a relatively cool Thursday morning...in a week in which we had a humidex in the mid 40's, some heavy thunder showers, and lots of heat.  So it was not surpising to have incredibly windy conditions for Mens' Night. How windy was it you ask? Well there were hats flying off heads around the golf course for starters. It was an all around blustery, breezy, blowy, turbulent evening. It was so windy a squirrel that was nesting in Milt's hair jumped off on the fifth hole and landed in Ipswich. It was so windy that it reminded Charlie McNabb and Dave Gill of when they had to walk to school uphill both ways.  Ron Susinki's hair piece blew off on the tee box and it took his group five minutes to find it. It was so windy that people on the corner of Portage and Main were calling to ask for advice. People were hitting driver for their second shot on three and coming up short.  On seven, there were eight and nine iron second shots flying the greens. Jason Gorrell actually had to aim backwards on a couple of holes to work his slice back to the fairway. The lake by number eight claimed more balls than a pool table with a roll to one corner. 

In other Mens' Night news, Neuf had two triples on the seventh hole. He hit three balls into the trees half way up the hole...the first being his tee shot and the next two being the two subsequent attempts to get back into play.  Of course, this all let to his second triple, the requisite Mens' Night triple bogey.  Robin Kimpinski had a round which featured an amazing five birdies but resulted in a score of even par.

There were lots of new guys including visitors from BC and Alberta as well as several members from the local RCMP detachment.  One of those members followed a fine round of golf with a poor game of Texas Hold' Em.  I am assuming he was distracted by the pretty waitress.

My roving field reporter asked me to note the ongoing slow play and intoxication of a certain player, but I refuse to make this blog a place for muck-racking...so that large Icelandic guy shall remain nameless.

Speaking of Icelanders, Wes Arnfinson was closest to the pin for the second week in a row, this time hitting it to twelve feet on nine.  He then three-putted for bogey.  Terry Susinski stuck one tight on #5. Two of the skins were won by John Gill and Wayne Chegwin ($20 on #1) and Bob Gingras and Aaron Short ($20 on #2).  Blake Hunter and Ron Anderson had the big payday of the evening with a skin on #4 that earned them $122.  Blake excitedly spent the next ten minutes telling everyone it was his first skin of the year.  Then when he went to cash his check he noticed that Mr. Anderson had departed.  He was heard uttering a few obscenities as the check was pinned to the bulletin board for next week. The $57 deuce pot was shared by Robin Kimpinski and Brad Swereda. 

Given that I have your attention, I should clarify something that happened at the end of the evening.  When Scott Maynes was leaving I yelled for him not to forget the dress. For the record, the dress in question was one that was being delivered from my wife to Scott's.  I was not referencing Scott's poor hitting or his affinity for wearing women's clothing.  We all know Scott is a masterful ball striker.  Also, how he chooses to dress in the privacy of his own home is his business.

Well, that's it for now.  I am taking a trip to Wasagaming with Blake for a round at Clear Lake.  This is the first time he has golfed there since he was fourteen years old.  I will need to keep reinforcing how slow the greens are as we drive up this morning.

British Open draft results

436    Chris Kimpinski    1st place
397    Milt Ostash          2nd place
370    Brad Swereda
339    Jason Neufeld
332    Sport Geekie
327    Mike Susinski
325    Jason Hunter
316    Robin Kimpinski
313    Stephen David
300    Keith Martin
300    Kevin Bartram
295    Ron Sunsinki
251    Stu Nowasad
230    Luke Funk
217    Wes Arnfinson
193    Scott Maynes
166    Brad Benton

Information regarding the teams and point allocations are found on the British Open link on the left side of the page.

Better Late Than Never

So it is late Saturday evening, and I am just getting around to updating the blog. Sorry about that. I was camping in Virden all week and only came back for Mens' Night. When I returned home today, it was really nice out and I went golfing. Also, I made plans for more golf tomorrow morning, so I need to get this done now. This sounds like one of those lame Facebook status updates, so I will stop before I describe where I was this evening, what I am wearing, and what my likes and dislikes are.

Back to the important business of Mens' Night. This past Wednesday we had 34 golfers. There was a mixture of some good golf, some bad golf, and a little bit of everything in between. For example, Cody Cornwall shot a 39...which was good. Also, all four golfers in one group scored an 8 on hole 4...which was bad. Lyle Wilson drained a 25 footer for birdie on 9 which earned him a $99 deuce pot...which was good. I was one of the previously mentioned golfers who scored an 8 on hole 4...which was bad.

Three skins went on Wednesday with Mikey and Randy Tully earning $20 on #1, Dale Martin and Ron Susinksi getting $20 on #2, and Cubby and Scott Maynes cashing in for $103 on #4. Closest to the pins were Wes on #5 and Sport on #9. Neither were able to convert relatively close putts to earn a share of the deuce pot.

In other news, field reporter Mike Susinski asked that I note two things in the blog. Firstly, he wanted me to mention that Wes Arnfinson played slowly all night and held his group up on a regular basis. This seems unlikely given how quickly Wes plays poker. Mike also related a story regarding Luke Funk. After boming a huge drive on eight, Luke had less success on his approach shot. Mike said that Luke appeared to become upset and threw his club further than his ball traveled.

We also had a British Open draft. Information about this is found on another link on this web page.

The Drive to 50

On Tuesday I suggested that we should aim for 50 golfers for yesterday's Mens' Night. We got fairly close, with 44 guys showing up on a perfect evening for golf.  Neither the relentless black flies nor the thunder in the west could take away from what was an all around enjoyable night. Yes...it was a fun time, in spite of the 24 golfers who refused to turn in their scorecards in a timely fashion...and the two senile elderly gentlemen who forgot to sign up.

Skins went on four holes. Winners included Dick Edgeworth / Darcy Stewart ($22 on #1), Robin Kimpinski / Matt Yanick ($22 on #2), Jason Hunter / Brodie MacEachern ($22 on #3), and Ron Susinski / Les Grills ($22 on #7). Next week there will be four prizes over $100, including skins on #4, 6, and 9. The deuce pot was not won last night, so it will also be sizable given a multiple week carry-over. Closest to the pins were Chris Kimpinski on #5 and Phil Ostash on #9.  Sub 40 rounds were carded by Jason Hunter (38), Brad Benton (38), and Mike Susinski (39).

The greens were fast yesterday, given that Joel cut them short.  Also, he still has not put any water on them. I am thinking he gets a commission on his salary if he saves a certain number of gallons over the summer.  Of course, payback can be a funny thing. A few of Joel's closest pals were quick to share the fact that Mr. Ostash had a four-putt as the result of his own golf course maintenance. Joel, the course is in great shape given the year we have had so far...and you and your crew are very deserving of the credit for this. You just might want to be careful about how you prep the greens and where you place the pins, especially if you are playing later the same day.

Despite cashing in on a regular basis, Clayton Bomak still found time to complain about me mispelling his name in an earlier post.  It's funny...I recall Milt and Neuf both whining about one of my blogs last year.  That resulted in both gentlemen being featured regularly in the weekly posts.  Perhaps Clayton will get similar star treatment in the future.  After threatening me against future typos, Clayton did mention that even though he did not win any skins this week, he did clean up on the snips with his group.  To be fair, Austin Hunter did really well with the same guys a few weeks ago.  It's not like Clayton played in a power-house group with the likes of Ronnie Susinski, Chris Kimpinski, and Milt, as some of us did.

Have a good Thursday...and I will see most of you at the fundraising tournament tomorrow.  I apologize to those of you who are looking for the updated ringer boards, money list, and skins for next week.  They will have to wait until later today.  I am finally on vacation and the sun is shining...so I am heading to the golf course.

One More Sleep!

Usually, I only do one post a week...but I have decided an exception is appropriate given the circumstances.  Due to various other commitments and inclement weather, I have only played one Mens' Night this year.  Tomorrow is my first time playing in over a month.  I am excited.

To give you some perspective, I feel the way Milt does on Christmas Eve.  Like Milt in December, I worry I may not be able to sleep tonight.  I can now understand the way that Dennis felt the day before the golf club auction in April.  That feeling that Neuf gets when a girl talks to him...that is sort of what I am experiencing about Mens' Night tomorrow.

In anticipation for some good weather, I even adapted the sign-up sheet.  Up to this point, it had space for 32 names.  Now it has room for 50.  Last year, we had a three-week run where we were getting 45 golfers for Mens' Night.  It would be cool if we could crack 50 once.  Tell your friends who don't golf much to come out tomorrow.  Invite your neighbour who just moved in next door.  Call some guy from a nearby town and tell him the skins are building up.  Imagine the strories you could tell your grandchildren...about that evening back in 2011 when there were over 50 golfers at Mens' Night in Shoal Lake.  It's not simply about the golf, it is about deciding what kind of legacy you want to leave for your children's children.

Grad Was Really Nice

I am assuming that there are 32 guys who are really wondering what the Shoal Lake grad was like, given that they chose to go golfing instead of attending.  Since I went, I thought I would give a brief recap of the convocation exercises for your benefit.  Supper was wonderful, with Old School Catering outdoing themselves with a traditional Ukrainian feast.  The grads looked wonderful, with the male grads dressed to the nines in their fine suits, and the female grads were resplendent in their evening gowns.  The pace of play was quick, with both focused award presenters and speeches.  There were some tears, lots of laughter, and significant applause and cheering.  It was almost the perfect evening.  The only thing missing were the 32 of you who chose to golf instead of attending.  I hope those students leaving Grade 12 remember the good parts of the evening...and not get hung up on the memory of those 32 empty seats.

For those of you upstanding citizens, who like myself, went to grad...here is a recap of the golf.  There were 32 golfers who played 9 holes and enjoyed a steak they cooked on their own.  The golfers looked like a rag tag bunch of golf-shirt wearing hobos, with the older players such as the Gill boys and Benton at least making an effort to colour-coordinate.  The pace of play was slow I assume, given the numerous scores over 50.  There were some tears, lots of belittling laughter, and little applause or cheering.  It was almost an okay evening.  The only thing missing was Chris Kimpinski.

It was like a trappers' festival, with skins being collected on 6 of 9 holes.  The winners were as follows: Keith Martin and Bob Mowbray ($32 on #1, $32 on #7), Ronnie Anderson and Benton ($10 on #2), Ken Wowryk and Clayton Bomack ($20 0n #3 and $32 on #8), and Robin K. and Beaker ($20 on #5).  Closest to the pin on #5 was Cubby while Neuf put one tight on #9.  Despite several 2's, no deuces were paid.  I assume Wes and Blake changed another rule in my absence. 

Low score of the night was Robin Kimspinski whose 35 was even-par given the modified tee box on #4.  Luke, Doug Koroscil, and Brad Benton followed with 39's.  Clayton Bomack vaulted to second on the season money list with another $26 in prize money.  Keith Martin also had a good night and joined the hunt for the Ringer Board Cup after adding a few scores that put him at -3.

Have a safe and relaxing long weekend.

Who the heck is Clayton Bomack?

So it is bad enough that I am still in the middle of a month-long run during which I will miss four mens' nights. Now I have to deal with some new guy winning a skin and the deuce pot. I am sure this Clayton is a nice guy...but I have a feeling a will be shanking one toward him sometime in the future.

It was a nice evening for golfing...or so I was told. Again, you probably can detect the undercurrent of resentment. Nothing I report lately is anything that I have actually experienced. It is all reported to me by a bunch of egotistical, self-aggrandizing, Scott Maynes' wannabees who tend to highlight their own accomplishments while belittling those of their peers.  I used Mr. Maynes as the reference point here because Benton told me that Scott is the best golfer in Shoal Lake.  He also added that he is the second best golfer while Robin is now third.  Milt then emailed me and said he was the forty-third best golfer in town, if you exclude females, seniors, and people wearing casts.

My co-organizers Wes Arnfinson and Blake Hunter had a better week math-wise. Unfortunately, I listened to them whine on Friday about how everyone forgot to turn in their scorecards, or submitted two scorecards, or neglected to sign their name on the sheet, or chose not to pay. Also, they complained about how overcooked their steaks were after they completed the score tabulating and awarding of prizes. Their whining aside, it is critical that when you come for mens' night you strictly adhere to the extremely complicated protocol. It is as follows: put your money in the can, write your name down, take an official score card, record your score on that scorecard, turn in the scorecard as soon as you finish, buy a drink, then berate Milt for something he said, did, or you imagine he might do sometime in the future.

There were 32 golfers this week. Earlier in the day, greenskeeper Joel Ostash placed pins in ideal locations for his game allowing him to card a 36. Jason Hunter came for his first Mens' Night of the year and shot a 37, with his tee shot on #9 being the closest of the evening. Robin Kimpinski was closest on #5. Skins were won by Joel Ostash and Ron Anderson ($32 on #2), Scott Maynes and Charlie McNabb ($94 on #3), and Clayton Bomack and Brad Benton ($73.50 on #5). The $48.00 deuce pot was split by Mr. Bomack and Wes Arnfinson.

In terms of other news, I don't have much to offer. I did hear about Chris Hyrsak's troubles on the eight tee box. Apparently, he became angry with his driver after an errant tee shot and fired it into the adjacent swamp. When Milt suggested that he go and retrieve the club, Chris declined and stated that he didn't have hip waders. Plus, he said if he ever needs the driver again he knew where it was.

I arrived after golf was completed and the majority of the crowd had dispersed. It was fun to have a game of cards and watch some little dude try to start a fight with another poor guy who was both twice his size and twice as intoxicated. Had the scrap occurred, the instigator likely would have ended up in the hospital with various injuries...and perhaps a chunk of nose lodged in his espohagus.

Have fun on June 29th. I will be attending the Shoal Lake grad. See you the first week of July. I will be getting my wife to drive me there, so feel free to buy me a drink.

How much rain is too much rain?

I know that there are rivers and lakes of water on the golf course.  I also realize that it is raining outside right now.  I understand that the fairways and greens are waterlogged to the point that golf carts would be not permitted to run.  However, I am still bummed out that Mens’ Night is canceled today.

Some people look forward to the weekend.  Others look forward to special events such as birthdays, graduations, and weddings.  I look forward to Mens’ Night.   So when I got the text message today that tonight was canceled, I deleted it right away in hopes that doing so would make it untrue.  Unfortunately that didn’t work.

Being the optimist that I am, my mind quickly tried to make the best of it.  I imagined a fun evening in which everyone who had planned on golfing would come to watch the hockey game together, eat some chicken wings, and perhaps play some cards afterwards.  I even texted the idea to someone.  Unfortunately, the response I got wasn’t the one for which I was hoping.  Given the decision to shut down Mens’ Night, it was also decided that this would be a good evening to shut down the golf course and club house early.  Now the logical part of me thinks this is a good idea. I know that Butch and his crew put in long hours and they are doing a great job this year.  I also appreciate that it is reasonable to close down early when the weather is as poor as it is. However, the irrational part of me that looks forward to Wednesday evening thinks this all sucks. 

I also wanted to do a US Open pool tonight given that it starts tomorrow.  Maybe we will try something next week…although it may be harder to generate excitement for a draft for the Travelers’ Championship.

I know most of us will be watching Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals.  However, if you are like me and will be experiencing Mens’ Night withdrawal, I offer some suggestions for things that you can do at home to bridge the gap.   For example, I plan on eating my supper out of a basket…and tipping my wife very well when she brings it to the table.  In between periods, I may play some Wii golf with my eight year old daughter for $10 skins.  I will also heckle her errant shots and snake her if I think she might three putt.  Occasionally, I will look to my left and say “Who the hell is Milt talking to?”.  I may also ask my daughter to occasionally stand beside the TV so I can pretend to shank the odd shot toward her.  In this instances, I will yell “Duck Neuf!” and hope that she understands that I am talking to her.  Finally, I may ask her to play cards until 12:30 am…although she doesn’t understand poker.  Oh well, late night Uno is better than nothing I guess.

Have fun next week…and the week after that.  I have a couple of previous commitments which require my attendance.  And if I could ask one thing of you, my fellow golfers, it would be this.  Please don’t win any of the big skins this month…so they will all be carried over and available when I return in July.

How much Milt is too much Milt?

As sad as it seems, Mens' Night went on without me.  When I pulled into the golf course, I expected to see the lights of the Club House dimmed.  Perhaps I would find a few guys sitting on the deck, telling stories about my golfing exploits, while Dave Gill led a small but tasteful candlelight vigil in my honour beneath the flat screen television.  Imagine my chagrin when I pulled in just after 10:00 pm, on the way home from my meeting...and found 32 golfers smiling and laughing, while tipping both drink glasses and waitresses.

If it was any consolation, Wes and Blake, my organizing partners, struggled without me.  They still had yet to sort out the prizes, and they looked thirsty and hungry.  On a positive note, for two people at least, they paid out an extra $7.00 for one skin.  Of course, I adjusted this on the money list.

Despite some bleak forecasts earlier in the week, it turned out to be a clear, if not slightly cool evening on the links. Skins were won by Robin and Dennis ($29 on #1), Beaker Sr. and Milt ($36 on #7), and Dale and Sport ($20 on #8).  Closest to the pins were Sport on #5 and Robbie Eastcott on #9.  The big story of the night was a deuce by Chris Hyrsak, which netted him $111.00.  He used part of his winnings later in the evening when Milt ordered a round for the table but refused to pay for it.  Six more golfers also joined the new and improved Ringer Board.

Given that I missed the golfing portion of the evening, I had to rely on field reporters to give me some highlights.  Several mentioned Denny's adventures, including his shanking of one shot through the windshield of Wes's cart.  Someone else told me how Denny did not play well in the evening because of his senior golf in the morning.  When I talked with Mr. Green he simply said that 27 holes in one day were too much for his broken-down old body.

I also heard tales of how one group (Milt, Benton, and Neuf) all fired shots from the seventh tee box at other players on the sixth hole.  Robbie told me of how Austin Hunter out drove his dad Blake every f____ing hit.  I apologize for the censorship on the last line but I know that Diane Cramer reads this blog...and I don't want to offend anyone's fiancée.  I also learned how one bushy-haired gentleman complained for eight consecutive holes about the limited meat-based dining options.  I tried to avoid saying Milt's name here, because I already referenced him twice.  Either he constantly does stuff that warrants attention, or I am obsessed with him.  For my sake, I hope that it is the former.

Have a good end to the week...and I'll see most of you at the Eagles' Tournament on Saturday.

Mens' Night...finally!

I am sure it has been wetter at some point in the history. But the wettest conditions that I have ever seen while golfing were those that existed on Wednesday. There were new water hazards all over the course, with creeks on #1 and # 2 and an ever-growing lake on #3. The fourth hole was a swamp from tee to pin, and both par 3 holes had island-like greens. Golfers all over the course watched tee-shots plug while planning careful paths to avoid bogging down their carts.  Profanities filled the evening air as player after player watched balls sail off into trouble after swings that produced foot-long chunks of saturated sod.

Now for those of you who are farmers, I clearly understand that there are more serious things being impacted by the weather than golf.  For you, I offer both my condolences and my wish for a turn of fortune.  That being said, for someone like Neuf, golf is likely the only thing that gives him pleasure in life.  It is for the Neufs of the world that I fear the most.

On a positive note, it was the first Mens' Night of the year. Twenty-six golfers braved the conditions and appeared to be still relatively happy at the end of the round. The low score of the night went to Brad Benton with a 37 followed closely by Scott "The Teacher Guy" Maynes with a 38.  We started the Ringer Board again, with Mr. Maynes already adding birdies for holes #1, 6, and 8. Two of nine skins went with Luke Funk and Wes Arnfinson taking #2 for $20. while Robin Kimpinski and Dyson Solomon won $28.00 on #8.  Robin also won a Shur Gro gift certificate for being closest to the pin on #5.  Milt begged me to mention that Robin's shot was barely an inch closer than that of a playing partner.  I note this reluctantly…especially given that Benton begged me not to mention Milt. The closest on #9 was Jason Neufeld, which briefly gave him joy...until he looked down at the cast on his foot and lamented the recent loss of some of his toe nails.

As much as it pains me to say it, the long range forecast for this coming Wednesday doesn't look overly promising...11 Celsius and rainy.  However, there is always cards…and maybe a hockey or basketball game on TV.  Even if there is no golf, you need to at least get the chips out.  I have a meeting and will not get there until 10:00 pm.