Golf Hurts!

6:00 pm tee off next week

Sometimes golf hurts. Occasionally, bad shots and high scores cause us emotional pain. Other times golf results in actual physical discomfort. With apologies to Nazareth, it could be said that golf hurts, golf scars, golf wounds, and mars. Any heart not tough or strong enough to take a lot of pain...should probably find something else to do on Wednesday evenings.

With the Fall farming season underway, we dipped below thirty golfers for the first time in a while...with only 29 playing on Wednesday. It is possible that not everyone who missed was working on a field somewhere. Given that the majority of Mens' Night participants (including myself) are middle aged or older, we tend to lose a few due to injury as the season progresses. Heck, even Tiger Woods is having trouble. That's him in the picture above, kneeling on the fairway in a tournament last weekend...allegedly from a sore back.

At the start of the season, we are all reasonably healthy. Usually, the worst golf-related conditions that we have to deal with then are the sore heads and mild gastrointestinal distress the morning after Mens' Night. But as the summer progresses, golf takes a toll on our bodies. Knees and backs start to stiffen and mild tendonitis inflames our elbows. As a group, we generally soldier on, playing in spite of the mild maladies. In fact, the only time we even mention our ailments is after a bad shot...stating how our lower back spasm was the real reason we hooked the ball into the trees. Sure there are more serious injuries and illnesses. We occasionally have those who sever ligaments and require walking casts...or fall out of golf carts unexpectedly. For the most part, it is a combination of our aging bodies and the repetitive stress from swinging golf clubs for several months.

Even though some of those out on Wednesday were mildly hobbled, skins still went on four holes. Winners included Scott Maynes / Jason Hunter ($53.50 on #1), Stephen David / Ron Huberdeau ($33 on #3), Robin Kimpinski / Bob Moffatt ($20 on #5), and Dave Gill / Jamie McCutchin ($20 on #8). The ever elusive #9 skin remains in tact and will likely be at approximately $180 this Wednesday. While the high / low pairings are random, it would appear that a team is going to combine for a net birdie.

Closest to the pins this week were Jamie McCutchin on #5 and Kyler Demond on #9. Neither converted their birdie, leaving the $43.50 deuce pot to be split by Scott Maynes and Darcy Kowalchuk. It is worth noting that Scott's two was a chip in eagle on the par 4 1st hole. It nice that Maynes finally gets some luck on the golf course...given how bad he has been reporting his play of late. I actually was there one week recently when he scored a 38. I am assuming that has some injury causing him to score so high. On a positive note, Scott moved to the top of the season money list (which may be viewed by clicking the link on the left side of this page). Hopefully, the additional $48.00 he won this week helps to soothe his pain.

I will leave you with this classic story of a golf related injury...

A couple of women were playing golf on a Sunday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. Indeed, the ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in evident agony.

The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. "Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me!", she told him earnestly.

"Ummph, oooh, nnooo, I'll be alright...I'll be fine in a few minutes", he replied breathlessly as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch.

But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help him. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants, and she put her hands inside. She began to massage him. She then asked him: "How does that feel"

To which he replied: "It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell."

The Ringers Have Been Identified

Last night was the final evening for the 2013 Ringer Board. When the final scores were locked in, the first and second flight winners were determined. Congratulations to Robin Kimpinski, whose -7 score edged out Brad Benton(-6) and Scott Maynes (-5). Scott finished ahead of Jason Neufeld, who also posted a -5, on a count back. Interestingly enough, poor performance on two holes yesterday put Mike Susinski and I into the money for the second flight. Both of us started the evening at -3 but went four over on our final two ringer holes to finish at +1. Like Scott Maynes, I benefited from the count back to finish ahead of Mike.

Thirty seven golfers came to Mens' Night with only six cashing in for skins. After a couple of weeks of lots of holes being won, only three went on Wednesday. Winners included Scott Maynes / John McMullan ($20 on #2), Rob Anderson / John "Butch" Derhak ($20 on #5), and Brent Allen / Jason Gorrell ($20 on #7).

Closest to the pins were Brad Benton on #5 and Gord Turner on #9. There were four deuces, two by Mr. Benton and one each by Chris Kimpinski and Butch.

Mens' Night will continue as long as the weather holds up. If you want to believe those pessimistic meteorologists, that may only be until the end of September. If you want to be optimistic, imagine playing in November with above average temperatures and firm but fair greens. Sure we will have to adjust to an earlier start time...and maybe some of you will have to miss a night because of a child's hockey game or Christmas shopping...but who cares...it will be November. For the more pragmatic among us, let's hope we at least get a week into October, just to say we did it.

In any case, we are good to go next week, Wednesday, August 28th. Tee-off is at 6:30 pm. In honour of Robin's win on the Ringer Board, wear something pink.

Too Hot For Golf?

I don't get it. All year we complain about how un-summerlike the weather is. Then today it is beautiful outside and no one wants to golf. I can't believe people think it is to hot to play.

The warm weather on Mens' Night on Wednesday didn't keep many away. Forty-one golfers enjoyed a nice evening with some excellent scoring conditions. I was in Clear Lake so I have little to report other than prizes.

Seven skins went, on seven holes, with only #1 and 9 remaining intact. Winners included the following:
- Dale Martin / Keith Martin, $20.50 on #2
- Jamie McCutchin / Ron Susinski, $42.50 on #3
- Jamie McCutchin / Ron Susinski, $20.50 on #4
- Chris Kimpinski / Troy Chwaluk, $20.50 on #5
- Devin Allen / Brad Swereda, $20.50 on #6
- Pete Ostash / Luke Funk, $20.50 on #7
- Theoren Hunter / Robin Kimpinski, $42.50 on #8

Closest to the pins were Brad Swereda on #5 and Jim Geekie on #9. The deuce pot of $61.50 was split by Robin and Troy Chwaluk.

Don't forget that this week is the last night for the ringer board.

Golf Really is Just a Game

Playing golf can make you feel like a little kid. When it goes well, it’s like having a bubble bath, building a snow fort, and jumping into a puddle all rolled into one.  When you have trouble, you feel like throwing a tantrum, and maybe some clubs, and just leaving. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.

When golf is good, it’s like childhood…playing with friends outside until dark with no worries. You live in the present and almost forget about the world outside the golf course.  This is never more apparent then when you return home after golfing with a few guys. When your wife asks the inevitable “What did you talk about?” question, you struggle to respond. The best you can offer is stating that you talked about golf…and maybe the weather.

Like children, golfers get to be curious, use their imaginations, and occasionally show off to impress their friends. Even better, playing golf as an adult, you need not worry about getting called in at 9:00 pm by your mother for a bath or for bedtime. That being said, there have been a few guys at Mens’ Night that occasionally get called home by their spouse…but that’s a different matter.

For a few of us, Wednesday mornings are like Christmas mornings when you were eight years old….full of excitement and promise. Christmas and golf scores are similar in that for both, you can’t wait to see what you get. In both cases, you are usually mildly disappointed.

If you think of it, golf is sort of like one big collection of children’s games. For example, several of us played hide and seek with our shots last night. Very often this occurred on hole #4, after wayward tee shots or overly aggressive second shots.  A few played dodge ball as sculled shots and balls hot of hozzles whizzed by them. Finally, we all played chase, but not of us could catch Brayden Stewart who had a low score of the evening. This was very appropriate for our child theme given that Brayden is 15 years old. That is 78 years younger than last night’s oldest golfer, Clayton Hunter.

A season high 44 golfers competed this past Wednesday, with skins going on six holes. Winners included Cubby / Devin Stewart ($40 on #1), Devin Allen / Bob Moffatt ($22 on #2), Brad Swereda / Dennis Green ($40 on #4), Jamie McCutchin / Theoren Hunter ($77.50 on #5), Hubey / Keith Martin ($22 on #6), and Clayton Hunter / Brad Benton ($22 on #9). Brad’s skin came on his 53^rd birthday, with him and Mr. Hunter combining for 146 years of experience.

The deuce pot of $66 was split four ways among Jeremy Hogg, Mike Pryzner, Brayden Stewart, and Theoren Hunter. Closest to the holes were Theoren on #5 and Tom Gibson on #9. That of course is Tom’s sixth time in which he has done that on #9.

Remember, we are now doing 6:30 pm starts.

One final thought connecting playing golf to being a kid…childhood is like drinking at Mens’ Night…because everyone can remember what you did except for you.

Long weekends are for golfing...not Tinker Bell!

I am finally doing this week's blog entry...but I would rather be golfing right now. My brother-in-law is visiting for the weekend. We played 27 holes yesterday and had hoped to double that today. Unfortunately, the darn rain keeps coming. So I am doing this...and my brother-in-law is watching "Tinker Bell and the Lost Treasure" with the kids. If you see us out on the golf course later today or tomorrow, ask him about it. He seems really into it. I think I will hold out until the weather improves...maybe play some Tiger Woods on the Wii or watch the real Mr. Woods wrap up the Bridgestone.

But I digress. Back to Mens' Night. Tom Gibson was the story of the evening as he again was closest to the hole on #9...the fifth time this year he accomplished that feat. We are thinking on naming the hole after him.  He could join other local legends whose names have been immortalized around the golf course. Firstly, there is the Funk Fence across the road behind the second green...in the area where Luke's booming tee shots often come to rest. The Kowalchuk Condominium's are located in the water hazard on the right side of the third fairway. Next, there is the outhouse on #4 which is named after Milt for some reason. There's Gorrell Pasture, adjacent to the par three fifth hole. This was the area of out bounds to the right over which his slicing tee shots travelled in the past before coming back into play. Finally, there is the Best Friends of Brandon Forever Bench near the seventh tee...where Robin and Brad first met and fell for each other.

Speaking of Robin Kimpinski...he lit it up on Wednesday shooting a 32, with four consecutive birdies at one point. Pete Ostash also had a fine round, carding a 34. None of the rest of us could crack 40!

Skins went on five holes. Winners included Milt / Ronnie ($75.50 on #2), Brett Griffin / Devin Allen ($20 on #3), Brad Swereda / Troy Chwaluk ($20 on #6), Keith Martin / Robin Kimpinski ($20 on #7), and Jason Hunter / Chris Kimpinski ($70.50 on #8).

The other closest to the pin was Bob Moffatt on #5 who won a Benny's Gift Certificate as his prize. Bob split the deuce pot with Pete "Walking Cast" Ostash.

The final night for the ringer board is August 21st...so you have three weeks to get scores in, including this coming Wednesday. Any holes for which you have not posted a score will receive a triple bogey.

Next week, we will go to a 6:30 pm start time. Please remember to turn in your cards after completing your round. Not everyone likes sitting around the club house waiting for those of you who play for an extra hour.