The Night of the Neuf

A former NBA player by the name of Alvin Attles tells a story of the time that he and Wilt Chamberlain combined to score 117 points in one NBA game.  Wilt scored 100 and Al scored 17. Well, last night Neuf and I combined to shoot 84.  Neuf had a 34 and I had...well...I had the rest.

Neuf and I played together and our games could not have been more juxtaposed.  He was nearly perfect and I was almost perfectly terrible.  He targeted pins with uncanny precision while I targeted trees after unmanly decisions.  Neuf got four birdies and I had four triples.  He could not miss a putt while I struggled not to three putt.   The guys playing with us looked at Neuf with envy and awe.  Meanwhile, they averted their gaze as I was about to strike the ball in fear of catching whatever I had. Our games even ended with completely opposite emotions.  Neuf cursed aloud after missing a three foot birdie on nine while I breathed a sigh of relief to finish the same hole with a par.

I guess if it is any consolation, my four triples were honest and not Mens' Night maxes.  Like any golfer, I need at least one positive take-away.  My other take away is that karma sucks.  After a few references in previous blogs to Blake Hunter's struggle to break the 50 mark, I carded that same score.  Congratulations to Blake for going under this week.  Perfect timing by the way.

The interesting thing was the conditions were absolutely perfect.  Warm and sunny with almost no trace of wind.  Birdies abounded and many of the 44 golfers carded season low scores.  Personally, I don't think good weather works for me.  My two rounds near forty occurred during our sub zero rounds earlier this year.

Skins went on four holes, including #2 (Brad Swereda and Blake Hunter - $57), #6 (Brad Benton and Joel Ostash - $67), #7 (Luke Funk and Wayne Chegwin - $22), and #8 (Brad and Blake again for $57).  The $66 deuce pot was split by Wes Arnfinson and Gab Huberdeau.

Milt was closest to the pin on #5, winning a golf shirt from Manitoba Hydro for his effort.  The mighty Neuf won a free steak from Susinski Farms and Kimp Services for sticking it close on #9.

Other low scores included Brad with 35, Milt and Wes with 38, Ron Susinski, Scott Maynes and Dale Martin with 39. Also noteworthy was Luke Funk's three birdie in a row streak on holes 6, 7, and 8.  Good job Mr. Funk.

By the way, sorry to my cart partner Darcy for ending up being my scoring partner.  You had a nice 41 in any case. For what it is worth, there were 11 guys with scores of 50 or worse.  Somehow, that doesn't make me feel any better about my round.

Deuce, deuce, deuce...

In case you didn't notice, I wasn't at Mens' Night this week.  I was at a meeting for our school division's transportation review.  Good meeting...over 100 people in attendance.  I am assuming that the guys who golfed didn't know about it.

In the past, when I missed the golf I would fabricate portions of the news portion of the blog.  Given that I often stretch the truth a bit even when I am present, I thought I would try something different.  What follows is the truth...and nothing but the truth...in so much as it is the truth, as reported to me by others.  Like you, I implicitly trust all male golfers, so you may assume everything that was passed on to me is 100% factual.

There were 37 golfers...a new high for our season to date.  The spike in attendance was likely due to many of our farm friends completing their seeding.  The club welcomed some new faces to this year's season, including Ken Stewart, Dale Martin, Gary Kurtz, Dale Newton, Sport, and Terry McTavish.  The newcomers faired quite well, with Mr. McTavish getting closest on #9 and combining with Ron Susinski to pick up a $35.00 skin on the same hole.  Dale Newton won a $35.00 skin on #1 with Mike Susinski, while Sport cashed in for $35.00 on #7 with Mike McLennan.  The other closest to the hole was recorded by Blake Cramer on #5. 

Three guys split the $57 deuce pot including Mr. McTavish, Austin Hunter, and Scottie Maynes who got his 2 on the par 4 second hole.  Scott's two helped him to go down to -3 on the ringer board to tie leader Chris Kimpinski.

There was some low scoring with five guys carding sub 40 rounds, led by Scott Maynes with a 35.  Robin Kimpinski had a 38 and three guys had 39's (Jamie McCutchins, Dale Martin, and Mike McLennan.  It was also a big night for Blake Hunter who posted his first sub 50 round of the year.  I am guessing he will say that he plays better when I am absent.

Hopefully, I will see many of you at the Lions' Club tournament tomorrow.  It may get as high as a balmy 13 Celsius!

By the way, if you are interested in more information regarding the transportation review you may check the Park West School Division website.

Golfers' Eczema...poor skins!

There were no skins won on Wednesday. Zero…nada…zilch.  None of the 33 golfers or 17 two-man teams could put together a low combined score on any of the nine holes.

After no skins prizes were awarded, many of the guys in the room started to jog their respective memories to identify when a similar thing happened. While they could not confirm such an occurrence in the past, they did remember other significant events. A few of the old timers recalled the last time someone at Mens’ Night was mad at John Gill…back in 1978. The last time Brad Benton remembered missing a putt for money…1967, when he was eleven years old. We reflected back to the last time Blake shot under 50 in Mens’ Night. That was October 6, 2011. Chris Kimpinski mentioned the last time Milt didn’t talk after a three putt was 1968…but that was because he was two and still not speaking. Neuf recollected the last time Wes got mad over something that happened in a poker game before throwing his cards down face up in protest before the hand was finished. That was May 16, 2012.

Scottie Maynes told of us the last time Jason Gorrell hit it straight…back in 2005. Yes, Gorrell was bending every shot long before that Bubba Watson guy made it popular. The slice is now so pervasive in Jason’s life, it even affects him away from the golf course. For example, it takes him 10 minutes to walk from Central S to Big Way…because he starts out by walking behind the post office before gradually coming back around.

For a bit more perspective, while no one could recall the last time no skins were won, several of his so-called friends reminded us that the last time Robin Kimpinski had grey hair was 2003. Apparently Robin attended a big insurance brokers convention in Winnipeg and noticed he was the only one showing signs of aging. Since then, he has been using Just For Men Natural Light Brown. He has only used the hair gel the last few years…since he started hanging out with Benton.

With the absence of skins, the only money claimed was the deuce pot. The previously mentioned Benton hit a beauty of number 9 and drained the putt, ending up closest to the hole for the evening in the process. That effort was worth a tidy $79.50. Brad also had the low score of the night, carding a 38. Jamie McCutchins was second best with a 39.

The other closest to the pin was Neuf’s on #5, allegedly after skulling a shot that got no higher than ten feet off the ground before bouncing in the small gulley in front of the green and hopping and rolling to 15 feet. While the people in his group heckled him because of his bad shot that turned out good…Neuf just smiled, content in the fact that there are no descriptions required on the score card. Plus, he couldn’t hear them…because of his head phones…attached to his iPod which was playing an Oprah Winfrey self-help podcast. Thanks to our hole sponsors, Shoal Lake Pharmacy and Kimp Agencies / Susinski Farms.

There were lots of new faces at Mens’ Night this week, such as Jason Stills, the new guy from Murray’s, who used his constant hand shaking to fool everyone at the poker table after golf. Les Grills was back, Brad Swereda made his first appearance…and we met Dan Stokes, the new RCMP constable who just arrived from Grand Prairie, Alberta. Plus there were more Huberdeau’s than a wedding at Ste. Lazare.

On a personal note, I would like to mention the enjoyable experience I had golfing with three of the young guys – Austin, Blake, and Theoren. Despite there being less gambling, drinking, and swearing, it was still really fun. I truly appreciated their excellent play, their etiquette and respect for the game, and their good company. I was impressed with Austin drive to the 100 yard marker on #8, on Blake’s composure despite small challenges, and Theoren’s overall laid back approach to golf. Most importantly, I am thankful for their final scores…because until Wednesday, I could not remember the last time that I shot better than everyone in my group at Mens’ Night.

Have fun next week going after all of those available skins. Regrettably, I have a meeting and will be away. Thanks in advance to Ron Huberdeau who will be reporting on the night’s events in my absence…in his own blog “Country Cooking with Hubey”.

Mens’ Night nudity…but not the fun kind

One of the great things about Mens’ Night starting in April, is we get to play so many times before summer officially begins.  However, one of the worst things about Mens’ Night starting in April is we get to play so many times before summer vacation begins.You see, I forgot that when you are not on vacation, the day after Mens’ Night is a work day. In the summer, it isn’t an issue. You can stay up late playing cards and visiting, head home, and sleep until you are rested. The challenge now is going home for six hours sleep (at best) and getting ready for a day at the office.

I noticed that I was getting tired this week during a game of Texas Hold’Em.  As I was dealing, someone asked me what I was doing.  I couldn’t understand what they were talking about so I asked them. I was informed that I dealt the flop before dealing anyone their required two cards.  I then handed the cards to the gentleman to my right, stood up, and said goodnight.  And that was only at 11:00 pm.

Maybe my lethargy can be attributed to the fact that I am getting old…but older guys seem to thrive in these circumstances. I wish I were like some of the other guys, hardened through years of late night partying and alcohol abuse.  Sure, I’ll probably live longer…but right now I envy them.

The one positive thing that came out of it was the next morning.  My wife asked me how Mens’ Night was and I said it was “fun”, before explaining how tired I was.  She then inexplicably suggested that sometime in the future I should stay out late and take a vacation day on the subsequent Thursday.  I am not sure why she would make such a suggestion, other than the fact that it is Mothers’ Day this weekend.  I am assuming she wants something big.  My only regret is I did not tape record her saying what she said.

Wait, this isn’t my personal diary…I am supposed to be writing stuff about the golf.  I probably should apologize for my selfishness and try to move forward.

Let me see, I had closest to the hole on #5.  No wait, that’s still talking about me.  How about I mention that Neuf was closest on #9?  His tee shot early in the evening to about 45 feet held up on a windy night in which almost no one else found the green.

Five skins were won – Austin and Brad ($32.50 on #1), Chris K. and Jason Hunter ($32.50 on #7), Blake Cramer and Butch ($42.50 on #9), and Wes and Robin doubling up ($20 on #2, $65.50 on 8).

In terms of evening news, there isn’t much to report because there wasn’t much that seemed to happen.  We had 20 golfers…who for the most part kept a low profile.  There was a report of Chris and Milt going into the woods together followed by Chris coming out with his pants down.  I will allow you to paint your own mental images of that one. It was the first incident of nudity around the golf course since the weekend, when a streaker was seen on the highway just past the fourth tee box.  Apparently, you can move faster when unencumbered by the restraints of long pants.

In other news, Blake said something to me driving up the fairway on #3.  As soon as the words left his lips, he said, “If you put that on the blog I will really kill you”.  So I am not going to mention it…given that Blake knocks people out in hockey dressing rooms with short rabbit punches. 

Sorry about talking about myself so much at the start of this entry.  Have a good weekend and see you next Wednesday.

Oh wait…did I mention that I missed the three foot birdie on #5 for the deuce pot…?

Horse Race on July 28th

The second annual horse race tournament is scheduled for Saturday, July 28th.


Participating golfers will play a 18 hole qualifying event before being split into flights for the horse race.  Each flight will eliminate golfers after each hole until only one remains.

We will also have a calcutta in conjunction with the horse race. You will have a chance to bid on those golfers in the first and second flights that you think will be most successful.  Last year, the prizes for the top 3 calcutta picks in each pool exceeded the prize money for the actual winners.

Further information may be found at the link to the left.

The same but different

“Same but different” was the theme of the evening.  This is fitting given golf is a game of sameness but differences.  We all use clubs, but different clubs.  The balls we play look similar but they are of different brands and are marked with different numbers and logos.  We start out with similar aspirations but not all of us feel the same way at the end of the round.

In terms of the “same but different” theme yesterday evening…let me present you with a few examples.  Firstly, the weather was similar (not that warm) but the turnout was different (29 golfers instead of 16).   I still had extra clothing (the same) but this time I wore long underwear instead of two pairs of pants (different).  It rained during the day but was clear during the evening (different).  However, we still got wet (the same) when the sprinklers poured down on us as we putted on our final two holes. 

The game was the same…but the experiences of the guys who played were different.  Point in case, the elderly gentleman who shot a 38 felt pride and joy while the slightly younger man who staggered in with a 58 felt shame and sorrow.

We had two Blakes (the same) but their fate took divergent paths (different).  Young Blake Cramer basked in the spotlight, scoring a birdie on #3 to win a skin for himself and Robin Kimpinski.  Meanwhile, older Blake Hunter actually lost some skin as he retrieved his broken three wood from the trees just in front of the sixth tee box…after hitting his fifth shot into the trees.

Even some individuals experienced the same but different phenomena.  Scott Maynes, for example, had different results, and emotional experiences, while completing the same activity (putting).  He showed tremendous patience and poise as he putted in for birdie on #6.  That was after displaying little of either after a three putt on #2…followed by the launch of an angry 60 foot putt which tore across the green and rough before knocking the hub cap off of a moving cart.  This actually happened…six of us witnessed it.

I saw two people hit the green on the par 3 fifth hole (the same).  The difference was how they got there.  Jason Gorrell did it by teeing off from the fifth tee box.  Brett Griffin did by teeing off the eight tee box.  As a few of lined up putts on the right side of the green, his errant tee shot landed beside us before coming to rest in the rough.

Also, we introduced a new addition to the pairing of players by introducing the dummy card.  In an amazing stoke of coincidence, Neuf got paired with it.  Wait…that doesn’t fit with this week's theme.

In terms of the actual golf, it was a nice evening for both Chris Kimpinski and the previously mentioned Blake Cramer.  Chris had closest to the hole on #5, won the deuce pot, and split a $64 skin with Theoren Hunter.  Blake was closest on #9 and he cashed in for two skins totalling $40 with Robin.  The fourth skin of the evening was won by the duo of Luke Funk and Maynes.

You may note a trend in my blog entries…with the same guys being referenced on a regular basis.  The reason is simple.  I write what I know.  If I don't receive field reports, I am left with talking about what happened in my group.  Please help me make this blog more inclusive.  If Ronnie Susinski makes a bad shot, I want to hear about it.  If the normally Zen-like John Gill goes ballistic over a missed putt, let me know. If Milt goes a round without talking to himself, call me.

Also, don't forget if you comment on the blog, you are entered into a draw for a free drink at the next Mens' Night.  I mentioned this before but I think I might need to clarify what I mean.  If you see me on the street and say, like Robin did, "Hey Stephen, nice blog"...that is not what I mean by comment.  What I am actually doing is inviting you to type comments below the weekly posting on the website.