I am assuming that there are 32 guys who are really wondering what the Shoal Lake grad was like, given that they chose to go golfing instead of attending. Since I went, I thought I would give a brief recap of the convocation exercises for your benefit. Supper was wonderful, with Old School Catering outdoing themselves with a traditional Ukrainian feast. The grads looked wonderful, with the male grads dressed to the nines in their fine suits, and the female grads were resplendent in their evening gowns. The pace of play was quick, with both focused award presenters and speeches. There were some tears, lots of laughter, and significant applause and cheering. It was almost the perfect evening. The only thing missing were the 32 of you who chose to golf instead of attending. I hope those students leaving Grade 12 remember the good parts of the evening...and not get hung up on the memory of those 32 empty seats.
For those of you upstanding citizens, who like myself, went to grad...here is a recap of the golf. There were 32 golfers who played 9 holes and enjoyed a steak they cooked on their own. The golfers looked like a rag tag bunch of golf-shirt wearing hobos, with the older players such as the Gill boys and Benton at least making an effort to colour-coordinate. The pace of play was slow I assume, given the numerous scores over 50. There were some tears, lots of belittling laughter, and little applause or cheering. It was almost an okay evening. The only thing missing was Chris Kimpinski.
It was like a trappers' festival, with skins being collected on 6 of 9 holes. The winners were as follows: Keith Martin and Bob Mowbray ($32 on #1, $32 on #7), Ronnie Anderson and Benton ($10 on #2), Ken Wowryk and Clayton Bomack ($20 0n #3 and $32 on #8), and Robin K. and Beaker ($20 on #5). Closest to the pin on #5 was Cubby while Neuf put one tight on #9. Despite several 2's, no deuces were paid. I assume Wes and Blake changed another rule in my absence.
Low score of the night was Robin Kimspinski whose 35 was even-par given the modified tee box on #4. Luke, Doug Koroscil, and Brad Benton followed with 39's. Clayton Bomack vaulted to second on the season money list with another $26 in prize money. Keith Martin also had a good night and joined the hunt for the Ringer Board Cup after adding a few scores that put him at -3.
Have a safe and relaxing long weekend.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Friday, June 24, 2011
Who the heck is Clayton Bomack?
So it is bad enough that I am still in the middle of a month-long run during which I will miss four mens' nights. Now I have to deal with some new guy winning a skin and the deuce pot. I am sure this Clayton is a nice guy...but I have a feeling a will be shanking one toward him sometime in the future.
It was a nice evening for golfing...or so I was told. Again, you probably can detect the undercurrent of resentment. Nothing I report lately is anything that I have actually experienced. It is all reported to me by a bunch of egotistical, self-aggrandizing, Scott Maynes' wannabees who tend to highlight their own accomplishments while belittling those of their peers. I used Mr. Maynes as the reference point here because Benton told me that Scott is the best golfer in Shoal Lake. He also added that he is the second best golfer while Robin is now third. Milt then emailed me and said he was the forty-third best golfer in town, if you exclude females, seniors, and people wearing casts.
My co-organizers Wes Arnfinson and Blake Hunter had a better week math-wise. Unfortunately, I listened to them whine on Friday about how everyone forgot to turn in their scorecards, or submitted two scorecards, or neglected to sign their name on the sheet, or chose not to pay. Also, they complained about how overcooked their steaks were after they completed the score tabulating and awarding of prizes. Their whining aside, it is critical that when you come for mens' night you strictly adhere to the extremely complicated protocol. It is as follows: put your money in the can, write your name down, take an official score card, record your score on that scorecard, turn in the scorecard as soon as you finish, buy a drink, then berate Milt for something he said, did, or you imagine he might do sometime in the future.
There were 32 golfers this week. Earlier in the day, greenskeeper Joel Ostash placed pins in ideal locations for his game allowing him to card a 36. Jason Hunter came for his first Mens' Night of the year and shot a 37, with his tee shot on #9 being the closest of the evening. Robin Kimpinski was closest on #5. Skins were won by Joel Ostash and Ron Anderson ($32 on #2), Scott Maynes and Charlie McNabb ($94 on #3), and Clayton Bomack and Brad Benton ($73.50 on #5). The $48.00 deuce pot was split by Mr. Bomack and Wes Arnfinson.
In terms of other news, I don't have much to offer. I did hear about Chris Hyrsak's troubles on the eight tee box. Apparently, he became angry with his driver after an errant tee shot and fired it into the adjacent swamp. When Milt suggested that he go and retrieve the club, Chris declined and stated that he didn't have hip waders. Plus, he said if he ever needs the driver again he knew where it was.
I arrived after golf was completed and the majority of the crowd had dispersed. It was fun to have a game of cards and watch some little dude try to start a fight with another poor guy who was both twice his size and twice as intoxicated. Had the scrap occurred, the instigator likely would have ended up in the hospital with various injuries...and perhaps a chunk of nose lodged in his espohagus.
Have fun on June 29th. I will be attending the Shoal Lake grad. See you the first week of July. I will be getting my wife to drive me there, so feel free to buy me a drink.
It was a nice evening for golfing...or so I was told. Again, you probably can detect the undercurrent of resentment. Nothing I report lately is anything that I have actually experienced. It is all reported to me by a bunch of egotistical, self-aggrandizing, Scott Maynes' wannabees who tend to highlight their own accomplishments while belittling those of their peers. I used Mr. Maynes as the reference point here because Benton told me that Scott is the best golfer in Shoal Lake. He also added that he is the second best golfer while Robin is now third. Milt then emailed me and said he was the forty-third best golfer in town, if you exclude females, seniors, and people wearing casts.
My co-organizers Wes Arnfinson and Blake Hunter had a better week math-wise. Unfortunately, I listened to them whine on Friday about how everyone forgot to turn in their scorecards, or submitted two scorecards, or neglected to sign their name on the sheet, or chose not to pay. Also, they complained about how overcooked their steaks were after they completed the score tabulating and awarding of prizes. Their whining aside, it is critical that when you come for mens' night you strictly adhere to the extremely complicated protocol. It is as follows: put your money in the can, write your name down, take an official score card, record your score on that scorecard, turn in the scorecard as soon as you finish, buy a drink, then berate Milt for something he said, did, or you imagine he might do sometime in the future.
There were 32 golfers this week. Earlier in the day, greenskeeper Joel Ostash placed pins in ideal locations for his game allowing him to card a 36. Jason Hunter came for his first Mens' Night of the year and shot a 37, with his tee shot on #9 being the closest of the evening. Robin Kimpinski was closest on #5. Skins were won by Joel Ostash and Ron Anderson ($32 on #2), Scott Maynes and Charlie McNabb ($94 on #3), and Clayton Bomack and Brad Benton ($73.50 on #5). The $48.00 deuce pot was split by Mr. Bomack and Wes Arnfinson.
In terms of other news, I don't have much to offer. I did hear about Chris Hyrsak's troubles on the eight tee box. Apparently, he became angry with his driver after an errant tee shot and fired it into the adjacent swamp. When Milt suggested that he go and retrieve the club, Chris declined and stated that he didn't have hip waders. Plus, he said if he ever needs the driver again he knew where it was.
I arrived after golf was completed and the majority of the crowd had dispersed. It was fun to have a game of cards and watch some little dude try to start a fight with another poor guy who was both twice his size and twice as intoxicated. Had the scrap occurred, the instigator likely would have ended up in the hospital with various injuries...and perhaps a chunk of nose lodged in his espohagus.
Have fun on June 29th. I will be attending the Shoal Lake grad. See you the first week of July. I will be getting my wife to drive me there, so feel free to buy me a drink.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
How much rain is too much rain?
I know that there are rivers and lakes of water on the golf course. I also realize that it is raining outside right now. I understand that the fairways and greens are waterlogged to the point that golf carts would be not permitted to run. However, I am still bummed out that Mens’ Night is canceled today.
Some people look forward to the weekend. Others look forward to special events such as birthdays, graduations, and weddings. I look forward to Mens’ Night. So when I got the text message today that tonight was canceled, I deleted it right away in hopes that doing so would make it untrue. Unfortunately that didn’t work.
Being the optimist that I am, my mind quickly tried to make the best of it. I imagined a fun evening in which everyone who had planned on golfing would come to watch the hockey game together, eat some chicken wings, and perhaps play some cards afterwards. I even texted the idea to someone. Unfortunately, the response I got wasn’t the one for which I was hoping. Given the decision to shut down Mens’ Night, it was also decided that this would be a good evening to shut down the golf course and club house early. Now the logical part of me thinks this is a good idea. I know that Butch and his crew put in long hours and they are doing a great job this year. I also appreciate that it is reasonable to close down early when the weather is as poor as it is. However, the irrational part of me that looks forward to Wednesday evening thinks this all sucks.
I also wanted to do a US Open pool tonight given that it starts tomorrow. Maybe we will try something next week…although it may be harder to generate excitement for a draft for the Travelers’ Championship.
I know most of us will be watching Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals. However, if you are like me and will be experiencing Mens’ Night withdrawal, I offer some suggestions for things that you can do at home to bridge the gap. For example, I plan on eating my supper out of a basket…and tipping my wife very well when she brings it to the table. In between periods, I may play some Wii golf with my eight year old daughter for $10 skins. I will also heckle her errant shots and snake her if I think she might three putt. Occasionally, I will look to my left and say “Who the hell is Milt talking to?”. I may also ask my daughter to occasionally stand beside the TV so I can pretend to shank the odd shot toward her. In this instances, I will yell “Duck Neuf!” and hope that she understands that I am talking to her. Finally, I may ask her to play cards until 12:30 am…although she doesn’t understand poker. Oh well, late night Uno is better than nothing I guess.
Have fun next week…and the week after that. I have a couple of previous commitments which require my attendance. And if I could ask one thing of you, my fellow golfers, it would be this. Please don’t win any of the big skins this month…so they will all be carried over and available when I return in July.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
How much Milt is too much Milt?
As sad as it seems, Mens' Night went on without me. When I pulled into the golf course, I expected to see the lights of the Club House dimmed. Perhaps I would find a few guys sitting on the deck, telling stories about my golfing exploits, while Dave Gill led a small but tasteful candlelight vigil in my honour beneath the flat screen television. Imagine my chagrin when I pulled in just after 10:00 pm, on the way home from my meeting...and found 32 golfers smiling and laughing, while tipping both drink glasses and waitresses.
If it was any consolation, Wes and Blake, my organizing partners, struggled without me. They still had yet to sort out the prizes, and they looked thirsty and hungry. On a positive note, for two people at least, they paid out an extra $7.00 for one skin. Of course, I adjusted this on the money list.
Despite some bleak forecasts earlier in the week, it turned out to be a clear, if not slightly cool evening on the links. Skins were won by Robin and Dennis ($29 on #1), Beaker Sr. and Milt ($36 on #7), and Dale and Sport ($20 on #8). Closest to the pins were Sport on #5 and Robbie Eastcott on #9. The big story of the night was a deuce by Chris Hyrsak, which netted him $111.00. He used part of his winnings later in the evening when Milt ordered a round for the table but refused to pay for it. Six more golfers also joined the new and improved Ringer Board.
Given that I missed the golfing portion of the evening, I had to rely on field reporters to give me some highlights. Several mentioned Denny's adventures, including his shanking of one shot through the windshield of Wes's cart. Someone else told me how Denny did not play well in the evening because of his senior golf in the morning. When I talked with Mr. Green he simply said that 27 holes in one day were too much for his broken-down old body.
I also heard tales of how one group (Milt, Benton, and Neuf) all fired shots from the seventh tee box at other players on the sixth hole. Robbie told me of how Austin Hunter out drove his dad Blake every f____ing hit. I apologize for the censorship on the last line but I know that Diane Cramer reads this blog...and I don't want to offend anyone's fiancée. I also learned how one bushy-haired gentleman complained for eight consecutive holes about the limited meat-based dining options. I tried to avoid saying Milt's name here, because I already referenced him twice. Either he constantly does stuff that warrants attention, or I am obsessed with him. For my sake, I hope that it is the former.
Have a good end to the week...and I'll see most of you at the Eagles' Tournament on Saturday.
If it was any consolation, Wes and Blake, my organizing partners, struggled without me. They still had yet to sort out the prizes, and they looked thirsty and hungry. On a positive note, for two people at least, they paid out an extra $7.00 for one skin. Of course, I adjusted this on the money list.
Despite some bleak forecasts earlier in the week, it turned out to be a clear, if not slightly cool evening on the links. Skins were won by Robin and Dennis ($29 on #1), Beaker Sr. and Milt ($36 on #7), and Dale and Sport ($20 on #8). Closest to the pins were Sport on #5 and Robbie Eastcott on #9. The big story of the night was a deuce by Chris Hyrsak, which netted him $111.00. He used part of his winnings later in the evening when Milt ordered a round for the table but refused to pay for it. Six more golfers also joined the new and improved Ringer Board.
Given that I missed the golfing portion of the evening, I had to rely on field reporters to give me some highlights. Several mentioned Denny's adventures, including his shanking of one shot through the windshield of Wes's cart. Someone else told me how Denny did not play well in the evening because of his senior golf in the morning. When I talked with Mr. Green he simply said that 27 holes in one day were too much for his broken-down old body.
I also heard tales of how one group (Milt, Benton, and Neuf) all fired shots from the seventh tee box at other players on the sixth hole. Robbie told me of how Austin Hunter out drove his dad Blake every f____ing hit. I apologize for the censorship on the last line but I know that Diane Cramer reads this blog...and I don't want to offend anyone's fiancée. I also learned how one bushy-haired gentleman complained for eight consecutive holes about the limited meat-based dining options. I tried to avoid saying Milt's name here, because I already referenced him twice. Either he constantly does stuff that warrants attention, or I am obsessed with him. For my sake, I hope that it is the former.
Have a good end to the week...and I'll see most of you at the Eagles' Tournament on Saturday.
Friday, June 3, 2011
Mens' Night...finally!
I am sure it has been wetter at some point in the history. But the wettest conditions that I have ever seen while golfing were those that existed on Wednesday. There were new water hazards all over the course, with creeks on #1 and # 2 and an ever-growing lake on #3. The fourth hole was a swamp from tee to pin, and both par 3 holes had island-like greens. Golfers all over the course watched tee-shots plug while planning careful paths to avoid bogging down their carts. Profanities filled the evening air as player after player watched balls sail off into trouble after swings that produced foot-long chunks of saturated sod.
Now for those of you who are farmers, I clearly understand that there are more serious things being impacted by the weather than golf. For you, I offer both my condolences and my wish for a turn of fortune. That being said, for someone like Neuf, golf is likely the only thing that gives him pleasure in life. It is for the Neufs of the world that I fear the most.
On a positive note, it was the first Mens' Night of the year. Twenty-six golfers braved the conditions and appeared to be still relatively happy at the end of the round. The low score of the night went to Brad Benton with a 37 followed closely by Scott "The Teacher Guy" Maynes with a 38. We started the Ringer Board again, with Mr. Maynes already adding birdies for holes #1, 6, and 8. Two of nine skins went with Luke Funk and Wes Arnfinson taking #2 for $20. while Robin Kimpinski and Dyson Solomon won $28.00 on #8. Robin also won a Shur Gro gift certificate for being closest to the pin on #5. Milt begged me to mention that Robin's shot was barely an inch closer than that of a playing partner. I note this reluctantly…especially given thatBenton
As much as it pains me to say it, the long range forecast for this coming Wednesday doesn't look overly promising...11 Celsius and rainy. However, there is always cards…and maybe a hockey or basketball game on TV. Even if there is no golf, you need to at least get the chips out. I have a meeting and will not get there until 10:00 pm.
Now for those of you who are farmers, I clearly understand that there are more serious things being impacted by the weather than golf. For you, I offer both my condolences and my wish for a turn of fortune. That being said, for someone like Neuf, golf is likely the only thing that gives him pleasure in life. It is for the Neufs of the world that I fear the most.
On a positive note, it was the first Mens' Night of the year. Twenty-six golfers braved the conditions and appeared to be still relatively happy at the end of the round. The low score of the night went to Brad Benton with a 37 followed closely by Scott "The Teacher Guy" Maynes with a 38. We started the Ringer Board again, with Mr. Maynes already adding birdies for holes #1, 6, and 8. Two of nine skins went with Luke Funk and Wes Arnfinson taking #2 for $20. while Robin Kimpinski and Dyson Solomon won $28.00 on #8. Robin also won a Shur Gro gift certificate for being closest to the pin on #5. Milt begged me to mention that Robin's shot was barely an inch closer than that of a playing partner. I note this reluctantly…especially given that
As much as it pains me to say it, the long range forecast for this coming Wednesday doesn't look overly promising...11 Celsius and rainy. However, there is always cards…and maybe a hockey or basketball game on TV. Even if there is no golf, you need to at least get the chips out. I have a meeting and will not get there until 10:00 pm.
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