A Message to the Temporary Greens

I talked to someone on Wednesday night. He said he understood why there were temporary greens but he was looking forward to them being gone. He said he just couldn't figure out these greens. I am going to speak more about this matter shortly, but first I will do the quick Men’s Night recap.

There were 21 golfers this past week. Several of us were away for the Shoal Lake grad.

Now back to the temporary greens. I want to qualify my perspective. I am glad that the Club is doing the work to improve the putting services. I understand why we have them. And I am absolutely not a fan of them.

There are few things in life more confusing than becoming emotionally attached to something you never wanted in the first place. We’ve spent a good portion of this year, aiming at temporary greens, putting on them, and occasionally questioning our eyesight because we couldn’t quite tell where the green ended and the fairway began. They’ve served their purpose admirably. They were there when we needed them. They kept golf going while the permanent greens recovered. And for that, we’re grateful.

But if we’re being honest, we’re also counting down the days until they disappear.

Temporary greens occupy a special category in life. They’re a lot like a temporary tooth filling. When the dentist installs one, you’re thrilled. The pain is gone. You can chew again. Everything is fine. For about three days. Then you spend the next several weeks thinking, “I really hope the permanent one goes in soon.”

Temporary greens are the golf equivalent of that filling. Functional? Absolutely. Ideal? Not exactly.

Or consider temporary accommodations. Maybe you’ve had an extended stay in a hotel. At first, it feels pretty good. Fresh towels every day. No lawn mowing. Tiny bottles of shampoo that somehow make you feel fancy. By week two, you’re eating cereal with a plastic spoon and lkonging for your own bed and pillow.

Another good comparison might be the temporary sink during a kitchen renovation. Let’s say that your kitchen is gutted during a remodeling which leaves you washing your dishes in a laundry sink in the basement. You appreciate that sink more than words can express. You also celebrate its departure like your team just won the championship.

That’s exactly how golfers feel about temporary greens.

Of course, temporary solutions are a fundamental part of the middle-aged life that many of us Men’s Nighters experience. There’s the reading glasses you bought at the gas station because you forgot your real ones. The spare tire that definitely wasn’t supposed to stay on for six months. The piece of duct tape holding together the remote control. Every one of these deserves our appreciation. Every one of these is also something we're delighted to replace.

Our temporary greens have done their job. They gave us a place to play when conditions weren’t ready. They allowed us to continue enjoying the game rather than having to drive to Birtle or Hamiota. They were the golfing equivalent of a backup quarterback. Nobody buys the jersey, but everyone appreciates the effort.

However, we are all likely thinking of approach shots that actually stay where they land. We are dreaming of putts that roll naturally instead of feeling like they’re crossing a section of highway under construction. I am looking forward to using something other than a seven-iron when on the putting surface.

So, while we tip our cap to the temporary greens and thank them for their service, we won’t pretend we’re going to miss them. Thank you, temporary greens. You helped us get through some tough times. Now please don’t take this personally, but we’re very much looking forward to never seeing you again.